If You See Her
by MickeyandMinnie
Summary: Bella and Edward are childhood friends and high school sweethearts. They leave for Dartmouth, excited to begin their college life together. Then, something changes. Will Edward get the chance to explain his actions to Bella?
1. Chapter 1

**If You See Her**

**Chapter One**

"Bella…we need to talk."

My heart started beating faster. I knew that Edward was my one and only. The past two years had been nothing but bliss. Away at college, free to spend as much time as possible with each other without having to sneak around the watchful eyes of our parents.

Last week, my best friend and her long-time boyfriend announced their upcoming nuptials. I wasn't ready to entertain the idea of marriage, yet, but I always knew that someday the time would come. After Jasper had proposed to Alice, I had started getting weird vibes from Edward.

A list had almost immediately began formulating in my head, of all the reasons why we should not change anything right now. After all, there wasn't any rush. My upcoming residency years were going to be demanding enough without any added distractions.

I prepared myself for his proposal, praying that he would understand the meaning behind my words. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

I hear him take a deep breath, and then sigh. The words that come out of his mouth, however are not what I was expecting to hear.

"…I think we should take some time apart for awhile. College is supposed to be where you are free to experience new situations. We've been together since high school, Bella. It would do us both some good to see what else is out there…"

My brain felt like it was suddenly stuck in quicksand. I was dumbfounded. My mouth opened, but no sound came out. I simply didn't know what to say. I realized I was standing there like an idiot, trembling with silent sobs as my heart shattered. I could hear his voice asking me if I was alright. Somehow, I managed to find my voice long enough to answer.

"I just…that's not what…I don't…I have to go."

Edward reached out and grabbed my arm, but I flinched and pulled away. I couldn't let him touch me. I was afraid if I did, I would end up throwing myself into his arms, begging him to change his mind. Before I could make an even bigger fool of myself, I muttered something about needing to study for an upcoming exam. I stumbled out the door, desperate to get away. I was barely holding it together.

I only got a few blocks, when the enormity of what just happened, hit me. My knees buckled and I fell to the ground. My entire body was trembling. I felt as if I was literally coming apart at the seams. I barely managed to crawl behind some bushes before my mind and body began to lose it. The contents of my stomach erupted from my mouth, as agony ripped through my heart. My lungs were burning, trying to fight for the oxygen needed to keep me alive. Black spots began to appear in my field of vision. I welcomed the darkness, praying for any kind of respite from the scorching pain. One tormented cry and a pain-filled gasp was all that passed through my lips before the darkness engulfed me.

Images of Edward filled my thoughts. Memories of our time together, growing up in the small town of Forks, childhood friends and then high school sweethearts, flashed across my mind. I felt a warmth spread throughout my body as I recalled our first kiss. We both had felt the electricity. I thought we would always be together. A wet sensation prickled at the corners of my eyes. My eyes squeezed tighter, as I fought to get back to the pleasant memories.

The day we both received our acceptance letters from Dartmouth entered my thoughts. We must have both arrived home at the same time. After checking the mail, the first thought I had was to rush to Edward with the great news. Apparently, good minds think alike. We passed each other's vehicle on the road mid-way between both of our houses. I'll never forget how both of us slammed on our brakes, jumped from our vehicles and ran to each other's arms. We embraced, right there in the middle of the road. Both us were breathless, trying to share our fantastic news. When we realized we were both shouting the same thing, we just started laughing. We held each other tightly, celebrating our excitement at beginning our adult lives together. Everything was perfect and just how we planned it!

Alice and I were going to be roommates in the college dorms, while Edward was planning to move in with Emmett and Jasper. Ever since Emmett and Rose announced their engagement, Jasper and Edward had been talking about him taking Emmett's room. They would have to share for a short time, but since they were brothers it wouldn't be too awkward. Besides, Emmett was rarely there, spending most of his time with his fiancé. He and Rose were busy making wedding plans, as the big event was scheduled for the following summer.

Our time together was limited, as both of us had demanding schedules. I had decided to go pre-med, wanting to be able to help others the way Edward's father always took care of me. A barely audible laugh trickled past my lips, as I remembered how accident prone I was all throughout my childhood.

Edward was a music major. He spent most of his time composing and refining his craft. Determined to not let our relationship suffer, however, we discovered many ways to be together. Even though we were focusing on separate things, our study time was one of my favorites. I loved listening to him playing in the background. I found his classical music calming, helping my mind to relax and absorb the difficult material in front of me. He would always say how he loved working when I was with him, claiming that I was his muse.

Hours later, I was still lying on my side next to my vomit. Unknowingly, I had aspirated some into my lungs during my episode. My breathing was labored. Fortunately, my body decided to keep fighting even though my mind had basically shut down. It was just enough to keep me alive.

"Bella? On my gosh, Bella. Hang on, sweetie. I'm calling the ambulance."

I recognized the friendly voice. It belonged to Angela. She was in some of my classes. I think she was working on her nursing degree. She sounded so worried. I tried to focus long enough to tell her I was okay, but I couldn't seem to pull myself back together.

It felt like I was floating. I was surrounded by a blanket of white. Chills spread throughout my body, as I felt a cold breeze brush gently across my face. Warm and comforting fingers grazed down my arm. I took a deep breath. It felt like I was trying to fill my lungs for the first time. Sharp pains stabbed at my chest.

"It's okay, Bella. Just take it slow. Try to relax, sweetie. You're going to be okay."

My eyes started to focus. I was staring directly into a kind and gentle face. Something about her smile, encouraged trust.

I glanced around me. Nothing looked familiar.

"Wh…where am I?"

My voice was scratchy at best, and hurt to talk.

"You are in the emergency room. You passed out on the sidewalk. You are lucky I was taking a shortcut through the neighboring yard. I almost fell right on top of you when I stumbled into your still form. When I knelt down next to you and heard the wheezing from your chest, I knew you needed medical help. I hope you aren't upset with me for calling the paramedics."

My eyes closed as I shook my head slightly. I was grateful she saved me. My heart was broken and my life was a total mess right now, but I didn't want to go out with my face buried in vomit.

"Th…thanks for…"

She squeezed my arm. I looked up and saw her smiling back at me. A kinship was instantly formed. She remained by my side while I rested. After a few hours and an entire bag of IV fluids, I was released to go directly home with instructions to rest. Angela arranged for transportation and then accompanied me back to the dorm.

As I exited the vehicle, my breathing hitched. How could I enter one of the places where I had spent so much time with _him_? How was I going to face his sister? Would she already know?

My steps faltered. Angela put her arm around my waist for support.

"You okay?"

I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded. That's pretty much how it went back at the hospital, as well. Angela didn't pry and I didn't offer. I think she knew that there was more to my suffering than a simple case of the flu.

With each step closer to the dorm building, my former symptoms began to reappear. By the time we were walking through the doorway, the bile was, once again, in the back of my throat. I barely pushed by Alice's worried stance in time to reach the bathroom. I could hear Alice speaking softly to Angela, trying to get the details of what had happened.

A soft knock at the door, announced the arrival of the moment I was dreading. Alice would want to know all of the details. The problem was, I wasn't sure I understood it myself. One minute I was rehearsing how to tell the love of my life that we should wait awhile to get married, and then I was collapsing on the concrete, my mind reeling from the words he had said.

"Sweetie…I was so worried. Why didn't you tell me you were sick? I can't believe you were in the hospital…wait…where's Edward? Why isn't he with you?"

The mere sound of his name, sent sharp pains directly into my chest. A whimper escaped my lips as I grabbed the sides of the porcelain bowl and heaved again. My body started rocking back and forth on the hard tile floor, as I tried to hold myself together. A glass of cold water was placed into my hands.

"Don't swallow, just rinse."

I followed the instructions. I was grateful to have the bitter taste washed out of my mouth. After completing the task twice, I slumped back against the bathroom wall. I was too weak to even crawl to my bed. I could feel the trembles starting up again. A cold compress was being pressed to the sides of my face and the back of my neck. It helped relieve the nausea.

I vaguely recall Alice pulling me to my feet and guiding me to my bed. I lay there, staring at the wall. The light of day came and went. Alice tried to get me to eat something, but I had no appetite. When she insisted that I get up and shower, I just curled in on myself more. I could hear another voice speaking to me, but I didn't recognize it. Her strong fingers squeezed my shoulder, trying to get me to roll over. I flinched when the contact was made with my skin.

I just wanted to be left alone. I couldn't allow myself to become aware. I was too frightened. I knew that the debilitating pain was just waiting for any sign of life. Then, it would most assuredly attack. I wasn't sure I could make it through another battle just yet.

"What do you mean…you aren't coming over? You heard me say she is very sick, right? She went by ambulance to the hospital…no, she isn't eating yet…I'm afraid she might be on her way back there…better off? What happened between you two?"

I couldn't handle listening to anymore. I could guess who was on the other end of the line. I knew Alice meant well, but she didn't know what I did. He wasn't coming over. Why would he? We weren't together anymore.

I dove beneath the pillows and blankets, praying that the sounds of my agony would become too muffled for Alice to hear. I had to let it out. Keeping it inside was how I wound up in my own pile of vomit.

As the screams vibrated from my throat, I thought about how he was too busy seeing what else was out there to come and check on his childhood friend. Why wasn't I good enough? What was I missing?

Some time in the middle of the night, my mind finally came to terms with what had happened. I had always felt inadequate next to Edward. He was so talented and amazing and beautiful…I shouldn't have been surprised that this happened. I was just in blissful denial.

The next morning I forced myself to get out of bed and back to school. I hoped that the regular routine would distract me enough to keep the horrific emptiness at bay. I still couldn't speak to Alice, knowing that once the floodgates were allowed to open again, they would never close.

Her pitiful stares and sighs, soon became too much to bear. I spent less and less time in our dorm room. I tried to make sure that I ate at least once a day, but it was easy to lose track of things like that. I didn't realize how much weight I had actually lost, until my jeans began to slide right off my hips.

I tried to find ways to distract myself, in hopes of getting a break from the suffocating pain. It didn't take long, however, for me to realize that everything I used to do somehow included _him_. I couldn't go hiking like we used to. Classical music was no longer a soothing experience, but instead, was accompanied by a searing pain in my chest. Every night was filled with images of Edward being ripped away from me. Every morning I would wake up with tear stained cheeks and _him_ on my mind. My thoughts were constantly haunted, knowing that he was close by. I was afraid if he saw me now, he would see how pitiful I had become. What did I do? How did I make it so easy for him to walk out of my life?

"Isabella…Isabella…I'd like to speak to you after class."

Someone next to me shoved an elbow into my side. I realized that the professor was speaking directly to me. Was I lost in my own thoughts again? It had been happening a lot lately. Ever since…

"Um…you asked to see me?"

His strong, fatherly hand came to rest on my shoulder. I tried not to flinch, but he saw it. A deep sigh vibrated from his throat and he shook his head minutely.

"I do not presume to understand what you are going through, Isabella. But, I am concerned. You were one of my top students. Now, you will be lucky to pass my class. Is there something I can do?"

What could I say? I'm so tired. I wish I could just get away. Being here…with him still on campus…living with his sister...he was my whole life…his presence surrounds me, torments me…it won't leave me alone. I realized then, that if he needed to spread his wings, so did I. My broken voice uttered the thoughts from my head.

"I need to leave…I can't stay here."

My professor misunderstood. He thought there must be a family emergency, and that I meant I had to return home. He began to speak of alternatives.

"I would hate for you to drop out of the program, Isabella. You have a rare talent in the way you observe and process. I know you will make a great diagnostician. Have you thought about what area you would like to specialize in?"

I was just beginning to research the various disciplines, when Ed…suddenly it felt as if a dagger was plunged into my chest. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to hold back the tears. I desperately tried to fill my lungs with the air necessary to survive, knowing that it would soon be cut off. I had felt the attack of sorrow many times over the past few weeks. I tried to talk myself down from the pain.

"Breathe…"

His kind eyes softened, recognizing my difficulty in speaking. He motioned for me to take a seat in the nearby chair. I sat down, trying to focus on gaining control of my body's functions. I watched as he typed on the keyboard of his laptop. After a few minutes, he printed a few sheets and brought them over to me.

"There is a great respiratory program at the University of Washington. That is close to your hometown. I went to school with the director. I am sure that with a glowing recommendation from one of your professors, you would have no problem transferring."

I looked up, and saw the surety in his eyes. The tears began to flow freely down my cheeks. He was offering me a way out of this pit of sorrow. I stood and embraced him softly.

"Thank you."

**A/N: Let me know what you think…**


	2. Chapter 2

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Two**

Alice wasn't happy about me leaving mid-semester. She tried to convince me to stay, to just wait and see if _he_ would change his mind…but I knew he wouldn't. I never understood why he chose me back in high school. I suppose there just wasn't that many options. Now, he had ten times as many opportunities and I was just holding him back.

"Please, Alice, try to understand. I can't heal if I stay here. The pain is too real this close to _him_. Besides, if he did decide he had made a mistake (which he won't), there's so much hurt…I don't know if I could risk my heart with him again."

We agreed to stay in contact with each other, but only if neither of us mentioned _him_. I needed to start over, and she couldn't be forced to choose between her best friend and her own flesh and blood.

The next few weeks flew by. Everything happened so fast. I barely had time to get a hold of Charlie before I was standing on his doorstep, bags in hand. I planned to live with him and commute until the start of the next semester. That would give me time to look around for a place on campus or close by.

The classes I had transferred into were similar to the ones I had been taking, with the exception of one. The professor was brilliant, and expected nothing less from her students. I spent every free minute in the library, studying everything I had missed plus the current material. I loved every minute.

There wasn't a spare second to think about what I had lost. The only time a flicker of pain would try to make itself known, was when Alice would call. I missed her. She had been my best friend ever since I could remember. We did everything together…until now.

Eventually, the frequency of the calls began to diminish. We were only speaking once or twice a month, now. Emmett and Rosalie's wedding had come and gone. They held a small reception back in Forks, for those close to the family that couldn't travel back east. I was working. I sent a card, instead.

I woke up one morning and realized that all of my hard work of the past year had actually paid off. I was working as a full-time resident in the largest hospital in downtown Seattle. I was also a part of the trauma team that floated between the neighboring hospitals to assist with difficult cases. I was the specialist they would call whenever there was a respiratory issue.

Graduating top of my class, I had been given the unique opportunity to be mentored by none other than my brilliant professor. She had taken me under her wing, saying she admired my dedication to catch up when I first arrived. That drive had stayed with me for the rest of my education and was now flowing into my performance at the hospital. She taught me so many things that you can only learn while in the field. Her knowledge was amazing and I absorbed it like a sponge.

It was time to show her I had been paying attention. The trauma team had been called to assist with the accident victims of a factory explosion. Many of the cases were respiratory, due to the chemicals and toxic fumes involved.

One such case was especially difficult, as the victim had been repeatedly exposed at dangerous levels. The report stated that he had escaped without injury, but then had gone back into the building to save his co-workers. He continued to enter the building, each time exiting with another colleague. As he was leaving the burning building with the final victim, his lungs finally gave out and he collapsed.

He had yet to regain consciousness. The burns on his face and arms were severe. I removed the oxygen mask and began to examine him. There was evidence of burns inside his throat and mouth. I was concerned about him being able to maintain a viable airway.

"There is a lot of soot in his nostrils and throat. I need to suction the debris and secretions in order to see the airway passages clearly. I also want a chest x-ray and an ABG ordered. The carboxyhemoglobin and methemoglobin levels with tell us how well his lungs are functioning."

The nurse that was assisting me, Jessica, quickly returned with a tray full of the necessary tools and supplies. I prepared the plastic tubing with some lubricant on the end. I motioned to the technician in the room to be ready, in case we needed his help. Tilting the patient's head back, I began to advance the tubing into his left nostril.

Suddenly, the patient's eyes snapped open. His head tried to pull away, but Jessica had a good grip. His arms started to lift from the bed, but the technician was quicker. In a matter of minutes, leather straps were holding his upper arms and body tightly to the gurney. His lower arms were burned badly enough, that we didn't want to put the wrist cuffs on.

I spoke softly, trying to calm him.

"It's okay. Try to relax. You're in the hospital. We're here to help you."

He closed his eyes for a moment. It looked as if he was trying to focus on taking deeper breaths.

"My chest…hurts…"

My hand reached down to his shoulder and squeezed. His eyes opened and looked into mine.

"I'm trying to fix that. What's your name?"

Another raspy breath, caused his face to twist in pain.

"Jacob"

"Okay, Jacob…this is going to be a little uncomfortable. Just try to hang in there."

His eyes locked on my face as I pushed the tubing into his left nostril. The pressure from the tube and the suction was causing his eyes to well up with tears. Jessica kept one hand on his forehead, while reaching for the swab.

"I'm going to dab your eyes, Jacob. The tears will sting if they come in contact with the burned tissues on your face."

His gaze moved to watch her hand as it approached his face. He stared up at the ceiling, so his eyes wouldn't automatically close. I pulled the tube from his nose. A shudder coursed through his body. He was attempting to take a breath, when I inserted it into his right nostril. He moved his head slightly, before Jessica's strong hands stopped him. I observed his fists clenching in resistance.

Once again, his eyes filled with tears due to the procedure. He held still though, when she approached his face with the swab. I removed the tubing and placed it onto the tray. Reaching for the larger plastic tubing, I heard a whimper escape his lips. I felt badly, knowing this tubing would be more offensive and uncomfortable due to the larger size.

"It's alright, Jacob. Just take it easy. Is there anyone you would like us to call for you?"

His voice was hoarse and it sounded like more of a croaking sound.

"No, there's just my Dad. The company will notify him."

Jessica turned his head slightly to the side. She had been preparing the nasal cannula, now that those passages were free from debris. He closed his eyes as she carefully slid the small tubing into his nose. He winced when she adjusted it to fit his face.

"The extra oxygen should ease some of the pain in your chest. I apologize if the cannula irritates your face. I know it is tender."

A chill caused his body to shudder as the cold air filled his nostrils. Slowly, the reading came up on the pulse oximeter. It still wasn't where I wanted it to be, however.

"Jacob, I need to suction the burned particles from your throat. Try to take some deep breaths through your nose and then hold it. It will make this part easier."

He looked exhausted. I wasn't sure how much more he could endure. He surprised me by taking a few deep breaths like I had asked. Then, showing me he was ready, he opened his mouth wide.

His eyes closed when the plastic tubing first entered his mouth. The moment it hit the back of his throat, his body reflexively gagged. Jessica tried to hold his head in place. He continued to gag as his throat contracted around the foreign object. Just as I was finishing, someone came bursting into the room.

"Jake…Jake…are you okay?"

As soon as the large tubing was removed from his mouth, he lifted his head off the gurney and made eye contact with the intruder. He tried to speak, but his voice only cracked.

"Da…"

Jessica motioned for his father to come and stand by his head, so Jacob would lie back and relax. Another staff member entered the small trauma room. I glanced over just in time to see the tote of needles.

I moved to the bottom of the gurney to be out of the way. I had just started to chart the results of the suctioning, when I heard the staff member addressing the patient.

"You need to relax."

I moved closer to see what was happening. The staff member had rotated Jacob's right arm so the burned tissues were resting against the gurney. Jacob's fist was clenched tightly in pain. He was obviously trying to cooperate, but the moment the staff member began to insert the thin needle into his radial artery, it was too much for him to take. He jerked. I watched my co-worker shake his head in frustration and frown. He turned towards me and spoke as if Jacob wasn't conscious.

"His muscles are too tense for good placement in his wrist. I'll need to draw it from his femoral artery."

Before I could point out that he was aggravating the burns on the patient's arms, he was cutting Jacob's pants away from his right leg. Jacob's head lifted off the gurney. His body began trembling, and his breathing rate was increasing. The patient was obviously going into distress, but my co-worker seemed oblivious.

Setting the chart aside, I moved quickly to stand next to Jacob's head. Placing my hands gently onto his chest, I tried to rub soothing circles. He gasped when he felt the fingers of the staff member probing the area near his groin.

"Take some deep breaths, Jacob. I know this hurts, but we need the sample so we can determine the gas exchange levels in your blood. Try to hold still."

He took a ragged breath and turned his head towards his father. I could tell he was at the end of his tolerance and needed to borrow from the strength of his dad to handle this.

"Ahh!

He cried out as his skin was punctured with the thin needle. His arms were shaking with his efforts to keep his lower body motionless. His father placed his large hand over one of his son's clenched fists. It was the comfort Jacob needed.

Submitting to the procedure, he closed his eyes. I was amazed at his personal strength. I hoped he would be able to get some rest while we waited for the test results.

Suddenly, a violent bronchospasm hit. He was coughing so hard, mucus was dripping from his lips. His dad became worried, when he saw the black color dribbling from his son's mouth.

"What is that?"

Immediately, I grabbed the large tubing from the tray and thrust it into Jacob's throat. I was more concerned about the wheezing sounds I was hearing than the color of the secretions. Jacob's body squirmed, as he gagged on the tubing. His father stepped forward, unsure if he should pull me away from his son. Luckily, Jessica intercepted and gently pushed him back.

"What are you doing to him?"

I took a deep breath. Trying to remember that this was his son, I kept my reply short so he wouldn't pick up on my frustration.

"He is choking on the secretions."

His father then asked me why I couldn't just suction it all out of his son's throat and be done with it. Jacob's eyes widened at his father's suggestion. I squeezed his shoulder, trying to calm him.

"I'm sorry; I know this is hard for you to watch."

Jessica picked up on my tone, and knew I was losing my patience. She jumped in.

"Sir, it would be too hard on your son. You can see how he barely tolerates this much. The suction creates an open airway, but it is painful. Besides, the relief is only temporary. The fluid quickly re-accumulates, causing him to gag and cough once more. Believe me, we are doing everything we can to help your son. Why don't you wait outside? We will come get you when he is settled in."

I heard him call out to his son that he would be right outside if he needed him. Jacob raised one of his hands, to let him know he had heard him. Another staff member entered as Jacob's father left. He had a portable x-ray machine with him.

Working quickly, the staff member adjusted the machine after each picture necessary and then hurried out of the room. I was grateful for the speed. I was anxious to get the full story, so we could provide Jacob with some pain relief.

The paramedics had administered some pain medication, but I knew he was only getting minor relief. I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, while we waited.

A few minutes later, Jessica approached with a paper in her hand. I looked it over quickly. The results of the x-rays showed a definite swelling and constriction of his upper airways. The ABG also reported a need for intubation. I instructed her to prep an endotracheal intubation tray.

I turned my gaze back to Jacob.

"The results from the arterial blood gas came back. Because of the chemicals in the smoke, your blood isn't able to carry sufficient oxygen right now. You are also suffering from swelling around your pharynx. Intubation is necessary to maintain airway patency until the damaged tissues in your throat heal."

I explained what was about to happen, as I lowered the gurney. A loud beeping sound filled the room. I glanced over my shoulder, checking the machine on the side of his bed. It was registering his increasing respirations.

"Take it easy…"

His trembling hand reached out and grabbed my arm. I could see the fear in his eyes. His voice was raspy at best, when he began to plead with me.

"Please…don't do this…"

A kind voice entered the room and spoke softly, reassuring the patient.

"You're in good hands…she's one of the best."

I looked up and saw my mentor. It filled my soul with pride to hear those words come from her mouth. I had aspired to become like her as much as possible. I nodded my thanks, and then moved to the top of the gurney.

Jessica approached with the tray and a syringe. A soft whimper escaped from Jacob's throat. He watched as she injected the medicine into his IV. He tried to fight the medicine, locking his gaze onto mine. I was in position to begin the procedure as soon as the medicine sedated him. My voice softened, as I stared into his eyes.

"Try and relax, Jacob…when you wake up their will be a tube in your throat making it easier for you to breathe."

He inhaled a ragged breath, his eyes pleading with me.

"Will you be there?"

I smiled.

"Of course."


	3. Chapter 3

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Three**

I remained at the hospital, desiring to be there when the local hero woke up. He had sacrificed so much to save the lives of his peers. I wanted to be a part of helping him recover. I was currently at his side, writing down my hourly observations on his chart.

His eyelids started to flutter. I watched as his fists clenched at his sides. I worried that he was in pain. Then, I noticed the muscles in his neck contract. He was fighting with the tube in his throat. I placed my hand on his shoulder trying to offer him comfort.

"Just relax, Jacob. Your lungs took quite a beating from that toxic smoke. You are improving, but it will be awhile before you are breathing on your own again. Just let the machine breathe for you, so your lungs can heal."

His eyes opened when I started speaking to him. His gaze was focused on me, while he listened to my words. His face grimaced at the thought of having to lie there and allow the machine to breathe for him. His fists clenched tightly, once again.

I squeezed his shoulder slightly, trying to offer reassurance. Just then, one of the nurses walked in with a syringe in her hand. It was time for more pain medicine. His brow furrowed, when he saw it. I could tell he was about to refuse it.

I leaned forward, speaking softly.

"It's alright. Your body needs the rest. Remember, you can't heal if you are hurting."

His large hand reached out and grabbed mine. His eyes were pleading with me as they had earlier. I understood.

"It's okay…I'll watch over you while you sleep. I promise. I will be right here when you wake up."

I became a regular fixture in Jacob's ICU room. He seemed to breathe easier when I was with him. At least that was what the data was showing.

I finally left to get a few hours of rest, a shower, and some food that wasn't from our hospital cafeteria. I was only gone for two hours when my pager started vibrating.

"This is Doctor Swan…I received a page…"

The answering service put me directly through to my mentor. She apologized for paging me back so soon.

"The burn unit is here. Apparently, some of the deeper burns on Jacob's right arm are infected. They are preparing to take care of it now. Bella, it is an extremely painful process and they are unable to administer any pain medication until after the procedure is finished."

My eyes closed briefly, as I tried to recall everything I had learned about burns in medical school.

"Did they explain why?"

My voice was trembling and it didn't even sound like me. My mentor hesitated, and then sighed.

"It has something to do with the chemicals they have to use to clean out the infection. It doesn't interact well with any analgesic. They have assured me that this is how it is done and that their team is very efficient."

My eyes narrowed as a grunt exploded from my throat.

"I guess that is their way of saying they will try to be as quick as possible."

Her voice softened, recognizing my struggle with the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm me.

"As close as you two have become, I am sure he could use your support during the process."

I took a deep breath, trying to push away the frustration. I needed to have a clear head in order to figure out how to solve this problem. I was not going to just stand there and try to keep him calm while they inflicted horrific pain on him.

"Could you ask them to wait until I get there? I can be back within thirty minutes."

She said she could arrange that.

"This area is not my expertise, Bella. But, it seems like there has to be another way. I'm concerned that the procedure might put too much stress on his fragile lungs. I will have a paralytic on hand, in case you are not able to keep him calm."

My heart sank into the pit of my stomach. He was improving when I left. Hanging up the phone, I realized who I needed to call.

I ran through every possible scenario while I quickly changed into a fresh pair of scrubs. Luckily, I had opted to take a shower before trying to rest. Pulling my wet hair back into a ponytail, I felt a few tears prickle at the corners of my eyes. I allowed a few to fall, knowing that it was better to let some escape so that the rest would be easier to contain.

Grabbing my keys, I dialed the phone as I raced back to the hospital.

"Professor…I need your help."

I was grateful that I had reached him in between classes. He was the one who had arranged for my transfer and I had remained in contact out of gratitude. I had always felt like he deserved to know how the student he had put his reputation on the line for, was doing. Now, I was never more grateful for that friendship.

He had the best and most extensive knowledge of medications and their interactions and side effects with other chemicals. I quickly gave him the details of the call I had just received. He confirmed that the chemical used and any analgesic would have serious adverse reactions. I ran through all of the alternatives quickly with him. More than ninety percent involved administering some type of medication, which would not be allowed.

Then, suddenly, it hit me. I thanked him and hung up the phone, as I literally jumped out of my car and took off running. Nurses and doctors alike were scowling at me as I ran through the hallways towards the ICU.

I turned the corner just in time to see the staff of the burn unit walking towards Jacob's room. They were about twenty feet in front of me.

"Wait!"

They stopped and turned around, shock written all over their faces. To say they were surprised, by my less than professional entrance, would be an understatement.

I began to explain my idea, but was rudely interrupted before I could finish. Trying to maintain my patience, I listened quietly to their objections. Once they were done making their case, I continued to explain. I even included a rebuttal to their earlier objections.

"…it involves injecting fluid, not medication."

The head of the burn unit team pulled me aside for a moment.

"Doctor Swan, I understand that the patient is a friend of yours. I am truly sorry, but these type of burns are not something to mess with when they become infected. We are very good at what we do. This is our expertise; let us take care of this. We would not presume to tell you how to do your job…"

Tears began to well up in my eyes. I knew I was right, but I was still a young doctor and didn't have enough of a reputation to be taken seriously yet. I watched in horror, as they turned and walked away.

Any moment, I would hear Jacob's pain-filled cries escaping from around the tube in his throat. I winced at the thought. Slumping into a nearby chair, my fingers went straight to my hair. I realized I was pulling on it in much the same way that my childhood friend would when he was experiencing a musical block.

Anger stirred up inside of me, as my mind began to blame him for all of this. If he never would have left me for whatever else was out there, I would still be there with him. I wouldn't be sitting here, anticipating my dear friend's torrent of pain. Then, the anger shifted and I was no longer blaming the love of my life. I was full of rage at myself. What kind of doctor was I? They were about to undo all of the progress my team had made with the patient's respiratory system. I knew that his body would automatically begin fighting against the ventilator as he tried to deal with the amount of horrific pain he would be feeling. I would be forced to use the paralytic, forced to add more trauma to his system and his mental state.

All my life I have been the person who listens and follows directions. I even let the love of my life end our happiness without a true explanation. But, things have changed since I had to fight my way back to the top. I am confident in my skills. I'm not that other person anymore. No…I won't let this happen!

Drying my eyes with the sleeve of my scrubs, I quickly put myself back into the game.

"Stop. I will not allow you to put my patient back into critical condition."

I glanced at Jacob, and saw his brow furrow. So they hadn't even explained to him what was going to happen? The rage inside of me was quickly growing. I took some deep breaths to maintain my focus. I knew it wouldn't do either of us any good if I couldn't remain professional.

"Doctor Swan…"

This time I was the one to interrupt. Staring directly into his eyes, I restated my proposed alternative. The frustration and anger was evident in his expression.

"As I explained to you earlier, the level at which the block would have to be inserted is too risky. It would completely paralyze his respiratory functions."

My head cocked slightly to the side, amused by his lack of the obvious. Trying to keep my tone professional, I motioned to the machine next to Jacob's bedside.

"And, as I tried to explain earlier, the patient is already on mechanical ventilation. So the respiratory complications will not be an issue."

I watched as my colleague turned his head to verify the truth of my words. His head lowered a bit in my direction, acknowledging my rebuttal. I observed his chest rise and fall as he contemplated my request.

"I appreciate your dedication to your patient, Doctor Swan. But this is neither the time nor the place for this discussion."

I couldn't believe he was shutting me down, again. I had proved my point. Fortunately, my mentor did not agree with him.

"Actually, I believe this is the perfect time. Before you subject our patient to a procedure that will no doubt reverse the progress he has made, I think all viable alternatives should be explored."

His head turned quickly towards her as she spoke. His voice was low, but the irritation at being challenged in front of the patient and by us both, was evident.

"Unfortunately, all of this discussion has only accomplished delaying the inevitable. We cannot put this off. Every minute we wait, allows the infection to damage more tissues. By the time an anesthesiologist is brought in to administer the block, the patient could suffer irreparable damage."

My eyes glanced back at Jacob. He was looking to me for the answer. Should he hold out and take a chance on possibly losing his arm? Or, should he suffer the debilitating pain and deal with the complications as they come? I didn't know…

"Bella, didn't you complete a rotation in anesthesiology?"

My brow furrowed for a moment. Of course I had…she was the one that had insisted that I…a sense of relief came over me.

"Yes, I did. I performed more than a dozen spinal blocks."

Her slight nod was all the permission I needed. Hurrying to the closet of supplies, I grabbed what I would need. I took a moment to recall the exact steps of the procedure. I felt confident in my ability, but it had been awhile since that rotation. I didn't want to miss anything.

When I returned, the burn unit staff was preparing their supplies. The awkward tension that had filled the room earlier, was gone. I was grateful that, above all else, my colleagues and I could be professional. Different opinions occurred from time to time, especially between specialties. However, we were able to discuss them and then the best choice for the patient was always the method implemented.

I walked over to the left side of Jacob's bed. His gaze met mine. I could tell by his arched brow and the smirk on his face, that he had thoroughly been entertained by the intense discussion. I shook my head and chuckled.

"Only you would get a kick out of people arguing over how to best take care of you."

The smug look in his eyes diminished as he looked at the medical supplies on the tray next to me. The expression on his face became one full of anxiety. I placed my hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed.

"Don't worry. I'll be right here with you."

His eyes closed briefly as he tried to calm his nerves. I gave him a few moments, and then began to quietly instruct him.

"Okay, Jacob…I need you to roll onto your right side, and bring your legs up to your chest."

It wasn't an easy task with the tube in his throat, but, with assistance from my mentor, he cautiously positioned his body as I had requested. I moved the gown to the side, exposing his upper back. He flinched when my fingertips first grazed his spinal column.

"Take it easy…just try to relax. I will talk you through it, so nothing surprises you."

I saw his eyes close, and knew he was ready. Carefully, I counted the vertebrae, finding just the right spot for the injection. I marked it with a small dot as soon as I found the place I was looking for. I prepared the syringe and then nodded to my mentor to let her know I was ready.

She placed one of her hands underneath Jacob's arm on his left side, and the other on his shoulder for support. He tried to look over his shoulder, but the tube in his throat would only allow him to twist so far. I could feel him gagging himself. I reached up and pushed on the side of his face until his head was resting on the bed below.

"I need you to hold still, Jacob. You are going to feel a small poke, and then a lot of pressure. You can do this. Just listen to my voice."

I inserted the tip of the needle slowly, ensuring its correct placement. A deep grunt filled the room, as Jacob tried his best to remain still.

"You are doing great…just a little more."

As soon as I felt the popping sensation, I began to inject the fluid from the syringe. The entire procedure took less than twenty minutes. As soon as I had retracted the needle, I gave Jacob the instruction to return to his back. He was in the process of rolling, when his legs flopped. His upper body tensed, nervousness overwhelming him. Using my hands, I guided his body the rest of the way.

By the time he was lying on his back, his lower abdomen was beginning to experience the effects of the block. The heart monitor began to beep faster, as it registered Jacob's anxiety. I reached up and caressed the side of his face.

"It's going to be okay, Jacob. Trust me. I know it feels strange, but it is only temporary."

A few more minutes passed, and his entire upper body was paralyzed and numb. He couldn't move or feel anything from the neck down.

I remained on the left side of his bed, trying to offer comfort. One of the burn unit staff members approached his right side. Immediately, the monitor registered his increasing anxiety.

"Take it easy. I just want to look at your burns."

Jacob's head lifted briefly from the bed. I could tell he was struggling.

"Shh…no one is going to hurt you."

His head turned back towards me. The moment our eyes met, the worry lines across his forehead disappeared. He was allowing himself to succumb to the procedure, knowing that I was there to oversee. The trust he showed me, filled my entire being with warmth.

Cautiously, I watched as they began examining his damaged arm. The sight of seared flesh was sickening, but the infected areas were worse. The bacteria was slowly eating away at the un-damaged tissues. My colleagues had not been exaggerating. He required their help now, without hesitation.

Slowly, I reached up above his head. I knew that while he was not able to feel anything, the mere sight of what they had to do would be too much. Gripping his chin in between my fingers, I moved his head back to the center of the bed and held it in place as I stretched a restraint across the top of his head. Jacob's eyes widened. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I looked him directly in the eyes and spoke.

"It's okay. I just want to make sure the tube is in a direct line so that the machine can inflate your lungs completely."

I used my stethoscope to listen to his breath sounds. So far, so good. I looked at his expression, noting the obvious anxiety in his eyes. I was hoping that if he had a way to communicate, he would relax some.

"I want you to blink twice for yes and once for no. Do you understand?"

Jacob's eyes looked over at me, then shut twice. I smiled. Reaching forward, I brushed some stray locks off his forehead. He closed his eyes momentarily, as my touch soothed him.

"Can you feel what she is doing to your arm?"

His brow furrowed, as if he was concentrating. When his eyes opened, there was no sign of pain. I breathed a sigh of relief when his slow blink confirmed it. He was going to make it through this procedure, pain free. A large smile spread across my face.

"Good…now, I want you to just rest. I will be monitoring your vitals during the procedure. You are going to be just fine."

I was even more impressed that day by his strength and bravery. His eyes met mine, and for a moment, I thought I saw a glimmer of affection in them. I placed my cupped hand against the left side of his face.

I cared about what happened to our local hero and new friend, but I was well aware of the false sense of emotion that can occur between a patient and his doctor. I would not allow myself to become more involved while he was under my care. I planned to try to give him small clues and hope that he understood.

The monitor registering the amount of oxygen in his blood began to beep, capturing my attention. I glanced at his face, and saw his eyes narrow. Immediately, I listened to his respirations. I could hear a slight stutter when his lungs tried to inflate. I reached above his head, and turned up the pressure exerted by the ventilator. I could see the worried expression on his face.

"It's okay; your lungs are just getting tired. I increased the flow for now. When you are able to assist in your breathing, we will wean you back off."

The disappointment in his eyes was clear. He knew how hard it was to bring the flow down the first time. He was so close to being able to get the tube out of his throat, and now he would be starting over. A small tear leaked out of the corner of his eye.

"Shh…it won't be as bad as last time. You are stronger now. We will get your lungs back to functioning on their own very soon. Just try to relax."

He closed his eyes, but the worry on his face remained. I felt badly and wished there was something I could do to comfort him. Unfortunately, time was the only thing that would help his body to heal.

I decided to let my patient rest, and focus on the procedure he was undergoing. I had studied the treatment for severe third degree and deeper burns, while sitting at his bedside during those first hours. I knew that any infected burn wounds had to be cleaned and debrided before any healing could begin. Using the tweezers and scissors, I watched as the burn unit staff cautiously cut the spoiled pieces of flesh away from his damaged tissues. Once they were removed from the wound surface, I could see that small blisters had formed underneath. I was worried that Jacob might feel something while they were draining each blister. I carefully watched his face for any sign of discomfort. He didn't even flinch.

My attention returned to his arm. The breath I hadn't realized I was holding, escaped in a sigh. I was grateful for my training. I couldn't imagine watching him suffer through this procedure. My heart was filled with compassion for the man lying on the bed.

I glanced back at him, expecting to see him resting. Instead, his eyes were open and fixed on my face. The gentleness in his eyes let me know that he had been watching me for awhile. He must have heard my relief, when I was assured that he was not able to feel what they were doing. I smiled at him.

"Just hang in there. They are almost done."

His eyes closed once more. I hoped that it meant he was allowing his body to rest and focus on healing.


	4. Chapter 4

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Four**

It took a couple of weeks before Jacob's lungs were strong enough to breathe on their own. We had tried to extubate twice before, but he wasn't able to maintain an inflated lung on his own. We were all praying that the third time would be the charm.

"I know this hurts, but try to push through it. We need this lung to stay viable."

A determination filled his eyes. I shut the machine down, and disconnected it from the tube in his mouth. I could hear the wheezing noises coming from his chest as he worked to keep air inside his lungs. After a few pain-filled moments, his breaths started looking easier. Gently, I placed my stethoscope on his chest. I listened to his efforts, and then smiled. Today was going to be a good day.

He was moved out of the ICU and downstairs to a regular hospital room. Now that he was out of danger, I had to begin working with other patients suffering respiratory problems. I didn't get to see him every day, but I made sure to check the status of his condition often. He was doing well, and was expected to be released soon.

I came by to visit on my day off, claiming I had to check up on my favorite patient. There was truth in my words, but there was more to it. Jacob had become a good friend. We made plans to see each other once he was released.

The next few months were filled with surprises. Some new nurses had been hired to join the hospital's staff. I was changing into my scrubs when I heard the news. Apparently, one of them was also assigned duty with the trauma team. I was curious, as it was unusual for a new employee to be given that detail.

Upon leaving the locker room, I stopped to check the posting of assignments on the board. A smile formed at the corners of my lips. I couldn't believe it!

The next morning, I searched out the new nurse that would be joining our team.

"Angela…it's so good to see you. When did you move to Seattle?"

She turned around and smiled. She held up her left hand, displaying the rock on her third finger. I stepped forward, and embraced her lightly.

"Congratulations. No one deserves it more."

We made plans to meet for lunch later that day, and do some much needed catching up. I was excited to hear all about the man that stole her heart, and the wedding that I missed. As I walked down the hallway, towards my first patient, a small twinge of heartache made itself known.

I still felt the emptiness when I allowed myself to think about Edward and all that I had left behind. It was the best thing for me at the time. That knowledge, however, was a small consolation for all that I had lost.

The trick was not to think about it too often. If I did, I would remember that searing pain that cut right through my heart like a knife. I never knew I could hurt so badly that my body would become physically ill. I often found myself wishing I could just talk with him, or hear his voice one more time. I prayed that he had found whatever it was he was looking for.

As for me, I still would give the world to see his face again. He left my life way too soon. What did I do, that made it so easy for him to just walk out of my life?

He never had the chance to see what a good doctor I had become. He never got to see me pull myself back to being one of the top in my field. I wish that he were here, so we could celebrate together. I wish we could spend some time together. I thought we were so strong we would make it through whatever. I still can't believe that he is gone from my life, forever.

I hesitated just outside the patient's door. Taking some deep breaths, I realized that I had let my thoughts go too far. I couldn't deal with the emotions that came with them, especially not at work.

Clearing my mind, I pushed all of those crippling thoughts down deep. I replaced them with thoughts about how grateful I was to have the training that I do, so I could help people. A small smile crossed my face, as I thought of Jacob and how good he was doing now. Ready to face the day, I pushed open the door.

"Good morning…my name is Doctor Swan…"

Angela quickly became my nurse of choice. We worked well together. She seemed to be able to anticipate what I needed before I had the time to ask. She was picking up the specific details of the respiratory specialty quicker than most. I appreciated the knowledge of medicines and their interactions with other drugs that she brought with her. I smiled, when I remembered that she had been in the professor's class with me. She must have taken my place as his prized student.

Her husband, Ben, was a sweet man. He treated Angela like she was a princess, and she looked at him as if he was her whole world. I was happy that she had found someone. They would drag me along on some of their weekend adventures, as they explored the area. I was, supposedly, the local expert on all of the fantastic places to eat and play.

Usually, I would just call up Jacob and ask him to give me ideas of where to guide my favorite couple to next. He would laugh at me, teasing me that I was a horrible tour guide of our wonderful city. I reminded him, that I was a doctor that rarely left the hospital. I was lucky if I remembered how to find my small apartment.

He volunteered to accompany us once, to take the lead as the guide. I gladly accepted. We soon became the four weekend adventurers. To any onlookers, we must have looked like two happy couples. Unfortunately, only two of us were in love. Jacob and I just didn't have any chemistry in the romance department. We had tried to turn the initial feelings felt at the hospital into something romantic, but we wound up laughing at the awkwardness of it all. We both realized that we felt more like each other was a long lost sibling. Love existed, but not romantically.

It got really strange when he started coming over to my apartment to talk about his latest attraction. He was head over heels for the girl, and she didn't have a clue. He was desperate.

"Jake…I'm not sure I am the best person to ask for advice in the love department. If you haven't noticed, I'm not really that great at it myself."

He laughed.

"I know, Bells. But that is because you are still hung up on whoever it was that broke your heart. You have this huge sign hanging over your head: UNAVAILABLE. If you ever decide to cut him loose, you will have guys lined up outside your door."

I just shook my head. I did not want to discuss this with my self-adopted brother. Anxious to change the subject, I asked him about his latest heart-throb. It worked. The rest of the evening we talked and planned, trying to create the perfect moment for him to ask her out.

My shift didn't start until ten o'clock the next morning, so I decided to try and sleep in. Unfortunately, all of the previous night's talk about how to get someone to notice you had dug up more than just a few feelings. My mind was filled with dreams of reconnecting with Edward.

It was amazing, until we stopped just having fun and started to get close. Then, he became distant and began pulling away. I woke up in the middle of the night, my body drenched with sweat. I remembered chasing after Edward, but I was never able to catch him. I tried rolling over and going back to sleep, only to have the dream start over and then end with the same result.

I was left with that all-too familiar feeling that hurt so badly. How can life just go on? I wish I could just talk to him for awhile. I wish I could understand what went wrong. Maybe Jake was right. If I could just get some kind of closure, I could let him go.

I had made Alice promise not to talk about him, but maybe, I could at least get his address. I would draft a letter this week. I had a right to know what happened. What if he doesn't reply? I guess that would be my closure…

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I decided to just get up. I ran a hot bath and tried to soothe my aching muscles due to my fitful sleep. It was only seven-thirty when the water started to get cool. Reluctantly, I pulled myself out of the tub and decided I might as well go into work early.

I walked through the doors just in time to see other members of the trauma team arriving. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, only to realize I had forgotten to take off the silent vibration setting. They had been calling me for the past hour.

"What's going on?"

The pilot of the life-saving helicopter was just standing by the door, waiting for the team to grab their supplies. His head cocked to the side, knowing that I should have been briefed on the situation. I stepped closer, revealing my frustration that I would be the one holding up our departure. I couldn't very well grab the necessary supplies if I didn't know what we were facing.

"There is a major trauma case being flown in from back east. We are supposed to arrive ahead of their team and go through everything, so we can take over his care. It kind of sounds like we are his last hope."

I was confused. If this patient was so critical, why wasn't he being brought here, to our hospital? The pilot must have read my expression, because he began to explain.

"I guess the victim is originally from Forks. They want him to be closer to home, you know, in case…"

I gasped. Immediately, my mind was filled with all of the faces of my high school classmates. There was a good chance I would know the patient. For a split second, I was concerned that I might not be able to keep myself emotionally detached. Then I remembered something my mentor had confided in me.

"Bella, I hope you never have to experience this. It is the most difficult thing to have to treat someone you care about personally. However, when you become the best at what you do, it is a predicament you inevitably find yourself in. Would you send them to another, when you know you could help them?"

I was remembering the patient and the way my mentor handled herself throughout the case. It was obvious that they cared about each other from the first moment we entered the room. Even though she had to inflict some pain during treatment, the patient never complained. To the casual observer, it appeared to be business as usual. However, we had worked together so closely…I caught her moments of hesitation and the slight reassurances they offered each other.

When I searched her out later that evening for an approval of a medication change, I found her quietly sobbing in the locker room. That is when she told me that the patient was a dear friend. I realized that night, being the best can be very fulfilling and a curse at the same time.

As the helicopter landed, my phone began to vibrate inside my pocket. I took it out and glanced at the display. It was my best friend, Alice. We were still in touch, even though the past three years have been difficult for us both. I wasn't brave or strong enough to face Edward at her wedding, so I missed it. She said she understood, but I know it hurt her.

These days we were speaking more often, but it was always just superficial. I guessed she was stuck at home waiting for Jasper to pick her up and wanted to pass the time. I would have to call her back. I slid the phone into the front pocket of my scrub top.

Reaching in, I grabbed the last of the bags carrying the necessary respiratory equipment. Angela had already loaded everything else into the waiting van. The Forks hospital was small, and didn't have its own heli-pad. We had to use a nearby emergency landing strip and then drive to the hospital. It would take about ten minutes for us to arrive at our destination.

Due to the nature of the trauma, only the surgical team had accompanied Angela and me. We had briefly discussed what we knew of the case during the flight. Once we were able to stabilize his respiratory functions, the surgical team would take over and try to repair the extensive damage to his upper body.

I was anxious to get to the briefing room, and actually look at the files that had been faxed earlier. Something about this case was making me very nervous.

We had only driven a few miles, when my phone began ringing again. I was surprised. Alice and I had an understanding, due to my crazy work schedule. If I didn't answer the first time, she would wait until I could call her back. If it was going to be awhile, I would send her a quick text. I decided to message her before we arrived and got too deep into this case.

"Sorry, Alice. Can't talk right now, work. Call when I can. Luv ya"

The van was pulling into the parking lot when my phone began humming again. Angela glanced my way, with a worried expression on her face. She knew I was not in the habit of using my phone while working a trauma, and so did my family and friends. Something must be up.

My face copied her worried expression, as I realized she must be right. I pulled the quaking phone from my front pocket and pushed the button to answer the call.

"Bella…Bella…please, you have to come."

She was obviously very upset and sounded as if she was speaking through a torrent of tears. My heart crushed a little, knowing that I was hundreds of miles away and wouldn't be able to.

"Alice, what's wrong? Can you tell me over the phone? I can't leave right now…"

"I'm in Forks, Bella. At the hospital…please…we need your help."

My clenched heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. The severe case we had been called in for…the patient was from Forks…Alice was beside herself…was Jasper the accident victim?

Briefly, I closed my eyes and forced myself to take some deep breaths. It didn't matter who the patient was. I was one of the best at what I do, and if I could help, I would.

"I'm arriving now, Alice. I will meet you inside."

I heard her gasp as the call ended. I would need a few minutes to prepare myself. I was sure to see Carlisle and Esme inside as well. It would be good to see them. I had wanted to stop by for a visit ever since I had moved back, but was afraid of the memories the visit to _his_ house would stir up. I kept telling myself I would go on my next weekend off, but I had yet to make it.

Then, a startling thought occurred to me. Would any other family members be there? Emmett and Rose were still living back east, last I had heard. Would they be able to arrange the time off from work to accompany a family member possibly on his deathbed? Part of me hoped that they would make it. I always enjoyed Emmett's company, and I hadn't really taken the time to get to know Rosalie. I thought I would have time. But, then everything changed…

My heart clenched, causing my body to lurch forward. I had to shuffle my feet quickly to overcompensate so I wouldn't stumble. One of the surgical team chuckled and shook his head. I felt the heat as the red color of embarrassment flooded through my skin.

I tried to avoid the path my thoughts were on, but it was too late. Would _he_ come? Alice and Edward were always so close. Would he leave whatever he was doing, to support his closest sibling?

I honestly couldn't answer my own question. Before everything happened, I would have said he would be there without a doubt. But, obviously, I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. Besides, I really had no idea what he had been up to since I left. Alice and I had both been faithful to our conditions of communication. His existence was never brought up.

Standing outside the main entrance doors, I paused to take a much needed moment of tranquility. It felt like the calm minutes before a major storm. I took one step forward, and the double doors opened. My brow furrowed in disbelief. I had expected Alice to be standing there waiting for me.

Instead, one of the emergency doctors was there to greet us. He led us down the hallway to the right, only stopping to wait for the elevator doors to open. The surgical team began asking questions about the patient's arrival time and current status. I was listening, trying to pick out the details that were pertinent to my part of this case.

Once we arrived at the correct floor, we were shown into a large conference room for the briefing. As I was passing through the doorway, I heard a soft whimper behind me. I turned around and saw Alice standing about twenty feet away.

Removing the bag from my shoulder, I passed it to Angela. I whispered that I would be right back.

Alice saw me moving towards her, and she began walking. We met somewhere in the middle. Her eyes were puffy and red, no doubt from the amount of crying she had been doing. My heart crushed a little more for her, sympathizing with her agony.

"Oh Bella…I'm so glad you are here. They weren't sure you would come."

My body stiffened. She didn't have to say it, I could tell by the words she did utter. He had come to support her. He was probably in the waiting room that she had just left. I hugged her tighter, grateful to be reunited with my best friend.

"I've missed you, Alice. I just wish we were seeing each other under better circumstances."

She hugged me back tightly, nodding against my shoulder. I knew she was trying to hold back a fresh wave of tears, and decided to just hold onto her for a few minutes. If I could offer her a small amount of comfort, it was worth it after bailing on her most important day.

"Alice?"

The voice that bounced off the walls of the hallway, startled me. Alice's grip tightened around me. Confusion clouded my mind. I was having trouble making sense of what my mind thought was true, and what my ears were confirming. I needed to verify with my sight.

Cautiously, my head lifted from Alice's arms enough to give my eyes the chance to end my internal debate. Who I saw, caused my entire body to tremble.

A broken whisper escaped my lips.

"Jas…per?"


	5. Chapter 5

**If You See Her**

**A/N: Just a quick clarification on the timeline...Bella was in the middle of her third year when she transferred. She was immediatly taken under the wing of her mentor and given the opportunity to become a part of the specialized trauma team while finishing school. She still had to complete her specialty rotations and residency, but was blessed to do that while receiving the on-the-job training. It has now been four years since she saw Edward. **

**Chapter Five**

I pushed the little pixie that was clinging to me back enough so that I could look into her face. Instantly, I recognized the expression of guilt and apology. I knew that I had been manipulated. Anger began to stir inside of me. I would have turned around and walked away, except I still didn't know why she was here. Curiosity got the better of me.

"Alice…what is going on?"

She was overcome with her emotions, and she couldn't speak coherently. I turned my gaze to Jasper, expectantly waiting for an answer.

"Bella…it's Edward…he's hurt…badly…"

I squeezed my eyes tightly. The tears, however, wouldn't be stalled. I finally gave up trying, and let them flow freely down my cheeks. I felt weak. I wasn't sure I could speak.

I felt betrayed. She had promised to keep our lives separate. I couldn't do this. It was asking too much. The rest of the family didn't even think I would come. They understood; why didn't my best friend?

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply enough so I would be able to utter the words that needed to be said. When I was ready, I opened my eyes and stared directly into hers.

"Forks is a good hospital, Alice. I'm sure the doctors here are very capable."

I turned to leave without giving her a chance to respond. A low, gentle voice filled the air around us, stopping me in my tracks.

"But, they aren't the best in your field. That is why you and the trauma team were called in."

My anger crumbled as soon as I heard his voice. It was the voice of the man that, someday, I thought I would get to refer to as my father-in-law. I nodded, acknowledging his words of confidence. My eyes looked just past his shoulder, to the woman joining our small group. My heart broke when I saw the sadness in her eyes. She kept walking, past Carlisle, past Alice and Jasper, continuing until she was standing directly in front of me.

"Please, Bella. Please help my son."

Her loving arms wrapped around me and enveloped my body into one of her motherly embraces. Whatever was left of my resolve disappeared the instant her arms made contact.

"I'll try my best, Esme."

The next two hours of my life was spent with the trauma team in the conference room, learning the details of the incident and what had been done medically up to this point. We discussed the complications the medical staff had already faced, and the new ones we anticipated.

Edward's family had returned to the waiting area. I had told them I would keep them updated as much as possible. I was concerned that I didn't have better news for them.

Our team had decided on a plan of action and were finalizing the last details, when the nurse called in and told us the transport was on their way from the landing strip.

Angela pulled me aside to ask if I was okay. She knew that I was from the area, and figured out that I was close to the family. How close, I hadn't told her yet. On our way downstairs to meet the ambulance, I gave her the short version.

"Bella, are you sure you can handle working on him? It sounds like he is in pretty bad shape."

I nodded silently. She had read my thoughts, exactly. I was worried that it would be difficult. One thing I knew for sure, however, I couldn't let him die.

The double doors opened, and immediately the trauma center of the hospital came alive. Within minutes, we were all upstairs getting the patient settled in. I stood back, watching as the current team made sure all of the tubes and wires were disconnected from their machines and reconnected to the ones belonging to the hospital.

While the nurses were fussing with the settings and hooking up a fresh bag of IV fluids, the members of both teams discussed briefly the events that occurred during transport. Fortunately, the patient seemed to tolerate the long trip fairly well all things considered. The eastern team had left only moments earlier.

"I'm sorry, Miss. You can't go in there. This is the Intensive Care Unit. No visitors are allowed."

There was a commotion in the hallway just outside Edward's room. It sounded like it was beginning to get physical.

"I have been with him ever since this whole thing happened and I will not allow some power-hungry nurse to keep me from his bedside now. Get out of my way!"

I glanced over, wondering who was about to barge into the room? As the door opened, I heard a familiar deep voice.

"Rose"

Suddenly, the door swung open and three people marched inside. The tall blonde was moving like a force of nature, nearly walking on top of the nurse trying to impede her path. Behind them, trailed Edward's brother. He was looking down at the floor, shaking his head at his wife's behavior.

"Em…"

I had missed him more than I realized. When I saw his burly frame pass through the doorway, I couldn't contain the smile that was slowly spreading across my face. His head lifted, surprise filling his eyes.

"Bells"

Immediately I was engulfed in his strong arms, my feet floating above the floor. I felt like a kid again, reunited with my big brother. A few tears escaped from the corners of my eyes. I returned the embrace and then giggled, when I realized how unprofessional I must look. I whispered into his ear.

"Put me down, brother bear."

He squeezed once more, then set me gently back onto my feet. The door opened, and the rest of Edward's family joined us. Backing up slowly, Emmett gave me a nod and smile before turning around to greet the rest of his family. I motioned to the frustrated nurse that I would take responsibility for the visitors.

I stepped over to _his_ bedside, picking up the chart with my trembling fingers. I still had not allowed myself to focus on the fact that the love of my life was the patient hooked up to all of the machines. I was going to try to keep that bit of information pushed to the back of my mind for as long as possible. Right now, I had a job to do.

I took a deep breath, and prepared to address the grieving family members. It was time for them to leave, so that we could begin. I was hoping if I spoke to the head of the family, it would go over easier.

"Carlisle, why don't you show the family where the cafeteria is. It would do all of you some good to eat something. You'll need to keep up your strength for him."

I watched as the glimmer of understanding filled his expression. He wasn't sure he liked being dismissed from his son's room, but he knew that it would be easier for us to do what we had to without an audience.

Esme and Alice both came forward and kissed Edward's forehead and cheek. Soft words of encouragement passed from their lips. Jasper wrapped his arm around Alice and pulled her away from her brother's side. Esme backed up slowly, tears cascading down her face.

I waited for the remaining couple to make their move towards the door. Emmett's hand was resting on his wife's lower back, gently nudging her forward. She took a few steps, then stopped and faced me.

"There are some things you need to know…before you…"

My head cocked to the side, as an expression of confusion spread across my face. I wasn't sure what she was referring to, but I was concerned. I had carefully constructed a wall to keep my emotions out of this case and I couldn't allow her words to tear it down.

"Is it anything that will directly affect his recovery?"

Her eyes bore into mine. I felt like she was looking directly into my being. Her head nodded once in the affirmative. A sigh escaped my throat.

"Let us complete our initial assessment of his condition, and then I will come find you. It should take about an hour."

Emmett's arm snaked around her waist. He thanked me and then led his wife through the doorway.

Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself to face the patient lying before me. My gaze initially focused on the dark purple bruising and swelling above his left shoulder. The chart documented a broken shoulder and collarbone on the left side. I knew that these types of injuries only occurred because of a direct impact with something quite heavy. My face grimaced at the thought of the horrific pain he must have suffered.

My gaze continued to follow down his left arm. I noticed several abrasions where he must have used his arm to try and protect his face.

Currently, his left arm was propped up by a foam wedge, supporting his elbow. It was designed to relieve the pressure on his collarbone from the weight of his arm. I hoped the position was providing some comfort.

I braced myself, as my eyes lifted enough for my gaze to fall upon his beautiful face. My brow furrowed. There were dark circles under his eyes, both of his cheeks were sunken in, and a large gauze pad was covering most of the left side of his forehead where undoubtedly a huge laceration had occurred. I wrote a note on his chart to make sure we checked the progress of the sutures and changed the dressing often.

I continued to examine his upper body. According to what we had discussed earlier, I knew this wasn't the worst of his injuries. He had also sustained multiple, complicated, bilateral fractures of his left fourth to eighth ribs.

This had resulted in his difficulty in breathing, as his chest wall was unable to move effectively. He had suffered some lung damage, although the extent of the damage was inconclusive. The report stated the possibility of bone splinters.

There was a documented open break on the left side of his chest wall where some of the ribs had sprung out. It was listed on the chart as a sucking wound. That meant, at one time, there had been a direct passage between the external environment and his lungs. The report stated that the left lung could be seen through the wound.

The open break was excised, and a blood transfusion was given upon hospital admission. This seemed to improve his general condition at that time. I made a note on his chart to make sure we scheduled a nasal bronchoscopy to detect any foreign particles.

I was also concerned about the risk of him developing pneumonia, since his chest wall was basically immobilized to prevent further injury until the rib fragments could be safely stabilized or removed. I added an order for the regular collection of sputum stains for mycrobacteria to his chart immediately following extubation.

I also wanted to stop the paralytic he was on, and instead switch to upper body restraints. If he needed to remain still until the surgery, there was more than one way to achieve that result. The effects of a paralytic were uncomfortable, and caused stress for the patient, so a medication that resulted in a heavy sedation pattern was used. If I wanted to interrupt the ventilator to check the progress of his lungs, however, I would need to be able to wake him up periodically. I wrote the order to change his medication to one that only caused a light sedation pattern.

Reaching for the stethoscope that was dangling around the back of my neck, I took a step closer to his bedside. A shiver coursed through my body, as it responded to the familiar pull. He had always had this effect on me whenever he was in my presence. I felt similar to an addict that just scored a "hit". Desperate to gain my focus back, I closed my eyes tightly for a minute.

"You okay?"

Angela was there, observing my difficulty. I opened my eyes and confirmed with a simple nod. Placing the end of my stethoscope against his chest, I listened. The machine monitoring his heart rate, registered a spike. His body seemed to be aware of my touch, even though he was under heavy sedation. Angela's head cocked to the side, questioning. I just shrugged my shoulders, not wishing to speculate.

I focused on listening to his chest. There was a distinct sound that I had secretly been hoping not to hear. Unfortunately, today was not that day.

The rattle confirmed the space around his lungs was filled with fluid. I suspected blood, due to the severity of his injuries. Replacing the tool across the back of my neck, I placed my hands gently onto his upper abdomen. I noticed that his chest was rising higher on one side, indicating paradoxical breathing. I examined his upper body closer and observed a barely visible shallow indentation along the line of his ribs on the left side.

The report stated the left lung was collapsed upon initial exam, but that there had been some viable breath sounds on the right. I would have to ask Rose if she noticed any bright red, frothy blood coming from his mouth or nose when they extracted him from underneath the vehicle.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for the pressure from the air in the space between the left lung and the chest wall to affect the right lung and his heart. During transport to the hospital, the report stated that he had suffered a tension pneumothorax, requiring immediate medical attention.

I knew that the emergency protocol for a large primary spontaneous pneumothorax associated with breathlessness, was to reduce the size by aspiration using a large needle. Most of the time this procedure is as equally effective as the insertion of a chest tube, and more tolerable for the patient. The procedure involves the administration of local anesthetic and the insertion of a needle connected to a three-way tap. The report stated that about 2.1 liters of air was removed. There was a significant reduction in the size of the pneumothorax on the subsequent X-ray, indicating the remainder of the treatment could be conservative.

When he arrived, however, I noticed that his respiratory function was impaired. His rate had risen to 36 breaths per minute, higher than originally reported in the file. The eastern trauma team had concluded that the change was no doubt due to the transport. They had decided to wait and see if his condition stabilized after he had settled in here. I wondered if they had even noticed the shallow indentation. I was concerned, based on what we were observing, that a more aggressive treatment was necessary. I would know for sure once we interrupted the ventilator. I made a note on his chart for Angela to have a chest tube tray ready in case it became necessary to aid the draining of the excess fluid from the space around his lungs.

I recalled from previous trauma cases, that chest injuries with more than one broken rib often resulted in additional injuries around the victim's back as well. It looked as if most of his previous exams were focused on the frontal injuries. I made an additional note to conduct a thorough exam of his back as soon as it was safe to move him.

I was also concerned about a possible spinal injury. Until we could be absolutely sure, I wanted his head immobilized. Moving to the top of his hospital bed, I first checked for proper alignment. His nose was in a direct line with his navel. Breathing a sigh of relief, I said a silent prayer of thanks that the trauma team before us had taken appropriate safety precautions. Desiring to ensure no further injury was sustained, I stretched a head restraint across his forehead.

Once he was conscious, we could check for signs of spinal cord injury such as numbness, tingling, headaches, or nausea. There wasn't any notation of loss of movement in the file that would indicate permanent spinal cord damage, however, since the most severe spinal cord injuries can lead to paralysis, I wasn't about to take any chances.

Most likely, he would suffer some neck or back pain due to the strain the accident had placed on his muscles. I was just hoping that there wasn't any damage to the ligaments or the disks between his vertebrae that would cause him to suffer long-term.

I checked the flow on the mechanical ventilator and re-set it at 470 ml. I wanted to use the positive pressure entering his upper body to try to keep his chest wall stable. Angela approached with the suggestion of switching the medications he was on to those we had found to be more tolerable. I smiled, grateful that we were both thinking along the same lines.

The initial exam was complete. Now, the hardest part of my job had arrived, the waiting. Assessing the patient and the data to make minor adjustments was always the quick part. Waiting to see how the patient was going to respond, was the part that took patience.

I had full confidence that Angela would carry out the instructions I had left on his chart. Knowing that it would still be a good two hours before the heavier medication was out of his system, I walked down to the cafeteria to find Rose.


	6. Chapter 6

**If You See Her**

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews! Rather than try to answer all of you in regards to Edward's actions, I wrote this chapter. Hope this helps clear up some of the hate on Edward's behalf. I worry, however, that this is only going to cause more questions…but I can't tell you everything…just yet. Please let me know what you think **

**Chapter Six**

**EPOV**

I couldn't believe it! My little sister, Alice, was about to become engaged. Wow! Life sure comes at you fast. One minute I am complaining about how I am so sick of being in high school, and ready for my real life to start…the next minute I am in the middle of my third year of college, and my brother's best friend, my current roommate, just told me he is going to ask my sister to be his wife.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for both of them. It's just…a lot of things are about to change. I miss the way it was these past two years. It was always the six of us. My older brother, Emmett, had asked Rose to be his wife right after I arrived. They weren't planning to tie the knot until this summer, so we planned to share the bedroom until then. His best friend, Jasper, used the other bedroom.

It was no big deal, since Emmett was usually at her place anyways. Bella, my high school sweetheart, and my sister started hanging around our place and it didn't take long for Jasper to fall for my little sis. Emmett and Jasper had become best friends the year before the three of us joined them. Now, it seemed as if he had always been a part of the group.

I secretly hoped they would opt for a long engagement. I didn't want Bella and I to be the only couple not official. I knew she was the one for me, but I wasn't ready for that type of commitment. I was still living off my parents. When I asked her to be my wife, I wanted to be able to support us both.

I am walking around in kind of a daze, when one of the guys from my major jumps in front of me. I pull up quickly, trying to keep from tumbling right into him. A scowl spreads across my face.

"Whoa! What's got you so distracted, Cullen?"

I'm not sure if it was just his timing or what, but I found myself uncharacteristically opening up. I was only planning on telling him about my roommate getting engaged soon and how I was going to have to move, but then everything just kind of tumbled out.

While my mouth was occupied with all of the word vomit, somehow he had guided me to a quiet corner inside a nearby building. I was sitting on a lounge chair, my backpack at my feet, one hand clenched tightly into a fist at my side, while the fingers of my other hand were busy pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Just breathe, man. It's going to be okay."

I couldn't believe I had just told him everything. Feeling slightly embarrassed, I threw my head back against the top of the chair and let out a deep sigh. The last thing I needed was some guy in my major to think I was as emotional as a chick.

"Look, um…it's obvious you've got a lot going on right now…but there was a reason I stopped you earlier. You've got some mean fingers and our band is currently down a piano player. We've already committed to some gigs, and we are kind of in a bind…"

My head turned to look at him. Even through my barely open eyelids, I could see the pleading expression on his face. How could I turn that down…especially since he had just endured my complete meltdown?

I chuckled. Maybe a distraction such as this, was exactly what I needed right now. I nodded my head, watching his face break into a wide grin.

The next thing I knew, every spare moment of my time was swallowed up with practice sessions or performances. It was crazy, but wonderful too. I was able to just forget about everything else when I was playing. Even though the music wasn't exactly my style, I enjoyed the experience.

After about a month of jamming with the group, I started suggesting slight changes here and there with some of the chords. The reception was amazing. All of the members were excited and our fan base started to expand.

Meanwhile, Jasper had finally proposed to Alice. They decided to wait until after graduation, thankfully, to get married. At least I didn't have to find a new place to live right away.

It still amazed me how fast our band's popularity began to skyrocket. Everyone loved our new sound. It felt really good to know that my style was so appreciated. My confidence grew and I even brought out one or two of my own compositions to showcase at our next concert.

I invited Bella and the rest of our original group to attend. I was both nervous and excited to hear what they thought of my songs. I was attempting one last time to control my hair, when our lead singer approached me from behind.

"Edward, I know that you've invited your friends to come tonight."

I stopped looking at my hair and caught her gaze in the mirror. I was usually pretty good about reading others expressions, but hers didn't match the tone of her voice. Her voice was flippant, while her eyes were filled with…was it pity?

She spun away from me and started heading towards the doorway.

"Just don't forget that you have to stay after and help clean up."

My brow furrowed. She said it like I had a habit of stranding them after a performance. I was always there to help. I silently shook my head, acknowledging that I had heard her. I didn't know what to say.

When I first sat down on the bench, my hands were shaking. Would my friends like the new music I was playing? Would Bella? I stole a quick glance out at the crowd. My eyes met hers for a brief second before James gave the signal to begin the set.

It only took three or four measures for me to get lost in the music and relax. This was what I was born to do. I always felt such peace when I played. It was as if all of the troubling emotions inside of me were pushed out through my fingertips, cleansing my soul.

I didn't came back to reality until the last note of our final song was played. I took a few deep breaths, then joined the rest of our band at the front of the stage. I bowed my head, accepting the praise. A small smile spread across my face. I was pleased that the audience had enjoyed our performance.

A small grip tugged on my right pant leg. I focused my eyes on the beautiful face below me. I hopped off the stage and was, immediately, engulfed in a sea of arms.

"That was so great, Edward!"

"I didn't know you knew anything but that classical stuff you always play."

"Awesome little bro!"

"You were amazing."

The praise from my sister, roommate, and brother was wonderful. The words that came out of Bella's mouth, however, were the ones that meant the most. I leaned forward, gently grazing my lips across her cheek.

"Thanks for coming. I have to help clean up, but would you mind if I came over afterwards? It might be kind of late."

She smiled and agreed. It had been a long while since we had spent any time together. Our lives had become so hectic. I was swamped with my studies and the band obligations. She was heavily inundated with studies and lab groups. I was looking forward to some quiet time with her.

Hurrying to clean up the set, I was moving at top speed. James noticed. He came up and put his arm across my shoulders.

"Edward, we need to talk before you take off."

"Sure…what's up?"

I had been winding up the cords when he had approached. He sat down on one of the electric boxes, signaling that he wanted to speak now. I coiled the cords around my shoulder and sat down across from him. He waited until I was looking at him, giving him my full attention.

"We weren't going to say anything about this…but after what we just saw…we think you need to know."

I was confused. I had no idea what he was talking about. I wasn't even sure what questions to ask to clarify, so I just sat there waiting for him to continue. After what seemed like an eternity, his head bowed and a loud sigh vibrated from his chest.

"I really don't want to be the one to do this to you…"

I was beginning to feel uneasy about this whole exchange. I started to move my feet underneath me. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear anymore. I set the mass of cords down at his feet.

"Ed, wait…you need to hear what I have to say."

I sat back down, warning him with my eyes that I wasn't up for any bullshit.

Just then, Victoria and Laurent walked up and stood behind him. I felt like the entire band was privy to something that I wasn't. We were a group. What were they keeping from me?

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to come out with it. Victoria saw your _friend_ a few weeks ago at the library. She wasn't just studying…if you get my drift."

My eyes narrowed. What was he trying to say? It took a few moments, then I realized he meant Bella. I shook my head, a dry chuckle escaping my lips.

"I don't know who Vic thought she saw. But, there's no way it was Bella. She's not like that."

A frown spread across his face, as his eyes narrowed. His voice turned gruff as his next words traveled past his lips.

"We didn't think you'd listen to us, so after Victoria told us what she saw, we started following the tramp."

My body lurched forward. My hands were wrapped around his neck so fast, that he didn't have time to react. How dare he speak of my Bella that way. All I could see was red at first, as my heart rate increased.

Laurent was trying to pry me off him, while Victoria was yelling at me to let him go. It wasn't until she shoved some pictures in front of my face, that I relinquished my hold.

I could hear James coughing and sputtering off to the side of me, but I didn't care. My eyes began filling with tears as the blood running to my heart ran cold. There was no mistaking the beautiful face of my beloved. She was there, in every picture, surrounded by people I didn't know...people that were obviously close to her...especially the one whose body seemed to always be in contact with hers.

The expression on her face left no doubt in my mind. She was happy with this group. The worst part was that it wasn't just a one-time thing. The pictures were taken at many different locations, indicating that this had been going on for quite awhile. Bella had a whole other life...hidden from me.

My breathing stuttered, as my mind made sense of the images in front of me. My eyes refused to look away from the arm that was constantly touching my beloved. If it wasn't wrapped around her waist, it was draping across her shoulders or linked with hers at the elbow.

The last shot was the one that took my breath completely away. They seemed to be snuggling on a couch. His lips were caressing the top of her head; her eyes were closed.

Anger filled me entirely. How could she do this? I know I have been scarce lately, but… The photos went flying across the floor, as my feet began pacing the small stage. As the movement began to calm the anger inside, intense pain took its place.

My feet froze in place. I was trembling and could barely stand. A strong arm pulled my body down. My eyes were closed tight, trying to hold back the torrent of tears.

"Ed, maybe this is for the best." He pulled back, no doubt because of the look of hatred I was giving him at the moment. "I'm just saying…you both came from a small town. You were together then, probably because there wasn't a whole lot of other choices."

The anger was coming back strongly. I didn't want to hit a member of our band, but I was getting really close to doing just that. I clenched my fists at my side, trying to hold back. My voice came out more as a growl.

"You don't know anything."

The pity in his expression let me know that he wasn't done.

"Maybe it's time you both went separate ways. You know the old saying…if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's true love. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be. I know it's hard, but isn't it better to find out now? Besides, have you even paid attention to the girls that swoon every time you take the stage? You never know…maybe your other half is waiting for you. What if you've missed her, because you were tied to this one?"

I didn't know what to think. I thought Bella was my other half. I thought she felt the same way about me. How could this be happening?

I grabbed my jacket and ran outside. I wasn't in the best frame of mind to be behind the wheel, but I had to get out of there. I put the gear shift in drive, and pressed down hard on the gas.

Had I taken our love for granted? Was I the only one still committed to our relationship? She looked so happy and free in those photos. Had I been keeping her caged and all to myself so much that she felt the need to lead a double life?

The sky around me was beginning to lighten. I hadn't realized how far I had driven. Luckily, I had regained my faculties just as I was approaching a gas station. I pulled in and filled the empty tank.

After a quick stop in the restroom, I purchased some type of breakfast bar and a cup of coffee. I drove straight to my apartment after texting her, asking her to meet me this afternoon. I then sent a message to Jasper, requesting that he vacate so I could have the apartment the rest of the day. He had asked it of me many times, so I knew he would return the favor.

Then, I turned my phone off, knowing that my siblings would try to contact me to find out where I had been all night. I knew I couldn't speak to any of them over the phone, afraid my voice would give away my state. I had made my decision sometime early this morning and I needed to follow through before I lost my nerve.

I wasn't going to break down and beg her to stay with me. I wasn't going to let on that I knew. I wasn't going to let the anger find its way to the surface. I wasn't going to let the hurt surface either. I didn't want her see how much I was dying inside.

I was just going to let her go.

The tears were flooding my field of vision as I made the drive back. I had to grieve now. The betrayal was eating me up inside. I was glad I had given myself a couple of hours to clean up before she arrived. I headed directly into the shower, letting the hot water distract me from what I was about to do.

I had barely finished getting dressed, when I heard a soft knock on the door. For a moment, I froze. Looking longingly at the window, I wondered if I jumped how many bones I would break. My heart started to race. How could I do this?

Then, I remembered the images. The expression on her face was so relaxed and happy. I loved her so much. That is how I could do this. I wanted nothing more than her happiness, even if it would kill me to set her free.

Walking slowly, breathing deeply, I opened the door. She entered, hesitantly. I guess she could feel the temperature of the room. She started to speak.

"Edward, where…"

I held up my hand, stopping her words. I had to be the one to speak first.

"Bella…we need to talk."

My heart started beating faster. I knew that Bella was my one and only. It hurt so much that I wasn't hers.

I took a deep breath for courage, then let it out.

"I think we should take some time apart for awhile. College is supposed to be where you are free to experience new situations. We've been together since high school, Bella. It would do us both some good to see what else is out there…"

My eyes studied her face, watching for any sign of guilt or relief. There was none. She looked confused at first, then an expression of hurt filled her eyes. Her body began to tremble, similarly to the way my body had reacted last night.

This was not what I expected. I began to wonder if I had made a mistake. A brief flicker of hope tried to grow inside my dead heart. I swallowed the large lump in my throat. My voice was no louder than a whisper.

"Are you alright?"

Her head shook slightly, as she tried to answer me. Her voice was trembling.

"I just…that's not what…I don't…I have to go."

I reached out and grabbed her arm, but she flinched at my touch and pulled away. The next thing I knew, she had run out the door. My body crumpled to the floor.

For a brief moment in time, I thought it was all a mistake. Then, she left. She didn't even stick around long enough to argue or to try to change my mind.

I'm not sure how much time passed, before I realized I was just sitting there staring at the empty doorway. She wasn't coming back. She was really gone.

I found my phone, turned it on, and dialed James' number. He picked up after only two rings.

"I did it…I set her free…"

My breathing was quickly becoming labored. I felt like I was going to pass out, or throw up, or both.

"I'll be right over."

I don't think I moved again until James entered. Without saying a word, he put some clothes into a bag and then grabbed me by the arm. It wasn't until the next day that I realized we were in the van with all of our equipment.

"Where…"

All three of them turned around, looking at me like I had just returned from the dead. I guess I had. They informed me that we were traveling across the state to a gig. They had all agreed that I needed to get away for awhile, so when this came up a few weeks back, they jumped on it.

"I'm glad you called when you did. We were just getting ready to head out. After last night, I wasn't sure if you were still planning to come or not. We were just going to wing it without the piano...but…"

My mind vaguely remembered something about a long distance gig this week. I turned my head so I could stare at the passing objects out the window. Maybe it was good that I was going to be away for a few days. I was hoping the distance would allow me to breathe.

Somewhere deep inside a small voice was yelling at me. I knew I was being unfair to her. After all, I hadn't even given her a reason for the separation. Nor did I give her a chance to explain the obvious relationship with the blonde-haired home wrecker.

Time…that was what I needed to get control of my emotions. If she didn't approach me, I would come to her and ask for an explanation. I was grateful that we both still had a year and a half left of schooling. Hopefully, that would be enough time to recover and then get some answers.

It was starting to get dark, when we finally reached the outskirts of our destination. We had just pulled in to the parking lot of a small motel, when my hand started vibrating. I must have been holding on to my phone this entire time. I looked down and saw it was my sister calling. Taking a deep breath, I decided to get this over with.

"Hey Al…"

She didn't even let me finish my greeting before she started laying into me. I couldn't even get a word in until she asked me when I was arriving.

"I'm not coming over, Allie. I can't."

My heart sunk even lower when she told me that Bella had been in the hospital. Every part of my soul wished I could be the one to take care of her.

"Did someone fix her favorite soup?"

I was shocked to hear that she wasn't eating yet. Wait, we had been traveling for a day and a half. Had she not eaten anything since she ran out of my apartment?

It worried me that she might have to go back to the hospital. Then, an image of her medical friends flashed across my mind. All of the hurt and betrayal hit me at once, sucking the life from what was left of my heart. My voice was void of all emotion.

"Call some of her other friends. She's better off with them, anyways. At least they know how to make her feel better, right?"

My sister's next words let me know that Bella hadn't filled her in yet. I would let her tell them what she wanted them to know. I didn't want to come between my family and Bella. As much as it hurt, I still loved her, and I knew she loved them.

I had to go before I said too much. I told my sister to take care of Bella, and then I hung up. Turning my phone off, once again, I granted us the distance I had told myself we both needed.


	7. Chapter 7

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Seven**

I entered the cafeteria and, immediately, the entire family rose to their feet.

"Is he ok? Is everything alright? Please, no… Bella?"

The barrage of questions and proclamations of concern were overwhelming. Dealing with the family members of a critical patient was never my favorite part of this job. I excelled when it came to diagnosing and treating the patients, but I was never very good with all of the emotions of the loved ones. It was always so hard for me to look into their hope-filled eyes, knowing that they were praying that I was their miracle.

My soft voice tried to reassure them.

"He's stable. We've changed his medications, taking him off of the paralytic and switching him to a different sedative. It lightens the depth of the induced coma and makes it easier to bring him out of it in order to check the progress his lungs are making.

He might not be able to respond, but he will definitely know that you are there. Normally visitors are not permitted in the ICU. However, knowing the patient, I believe his condition will improve faster if he is surrounded by his loved ones. He needs to remain calm and as still as possible. That is where all of you can help him. I have approved for him to have one of you by his side at all times. Talk to him, encourage him to relax, let him know that he needs to rest so his body can heal."

Carlisle thanked me and then asked a few more detailed medical questions concerning his son's treatment plan. I answered cautiously, knowing that while he is a medical professional, it is still his son lying on that bed. My answers seemed to satisfy his need to be kept in the loop of his son's care. He stood up from the table, and approached me.

"Esme and I would like to be there when you wake him up."

I smiled. I had already planned on requesting their presence, worried that the first time might cause him extra stress. Did he even know he was being shipped to Forks?

"Of course."

The comfort of seeing your parents, when you aren't sure what has happened to you, was something I was counting on to keep him calm.

"Bella…"

I shifted my gaze to the woman sitting next to Emmett. Remembering that Rosalie had asked to speak with me, I forced a smile to my face and pointed at the salad bar.

"Do you mind if I eat while we chat? I've learned to take advantage of any down time, as you never know when you might get another chance."

She shook her head, so I quickly chose the ingredients I like and built a salad. We found a more isolated corner and she began to talk while I dug in. I had briefly noticed that the rest of the family had left, no doubt returning either to Edward's bedside or to the family waiting room upstairs.

"Like I said…there are some things you need to be aware of. And, after hearing you talk about him needing to stay calm and still…well…I think you should keep your presence a secret. At least until his condition isn't quite so critical."

I looked at her strangely.

"That might be kind of hard, Rosalie. I am one of his doctors. Besides, do you really think my presence would upset him that much? After all, we were friends most of our lives. It's only been since the break up that I haven't seen or heard from him."

A sad expression filled her eyes as her chin lowered.

"You have no idea, Bella."

She proceeded to explain how Edward's behavior had changed after I left. They would hear him playing the piano, but the notes were off. It almost sounded like the piano needed to be tuned, however we all knew better.

I nodded my head in agreement, while swallowing my current mouthful of greens.

"He was obsessive about regular maintenance on that baby grand. I guess I don't blame him, since it is the tool of his trade."

She smiled slightly. The smile faltered, though, when she continued to explain that one day he just quit. When they asked him about it, he said he didn't enjoy playing anymore. The next thing they knew, he had not only quit the band but had also dropped completely out of the music program. They were all astonished as he only had one semester left until he graduated.

"What?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Edward had been playing ever since our youth. He was amazing! The music called to him in so many ways. I was lost in my disbelief, until Rose said something that caught my attention.

"…kept disappearing. We were lucky if we saw him once a month, even though he lived with Jasper. We all got together and the next time he showed his face, we put our plan into action. He had come home to shower and change. Jasper called us as soon as Edward was in the bathroom and we all dropped everything and rushed over.

The minute Edward opened the door, Emmett and Jasper grabbed him. Lucky for him, he had taken the time to slide into a pair of jeans.

They forced him into a chair in the corner of the main room and held him down, while Alice and I quickly tied him up with ropes so he had to sit and listen to us.

I gasped. I was picturing Edward's arms and legs tied a chair, his eyes dark with anger and frustration.

"Too bad I was on the other side of the country. I think a sedative would have been easier."

My voice was low, but she heard my words. I felt badly that I was criticizing their methods. After all, I wasn't there. But could it really have been bad enough that they had to resort to that?

"The neighbors probably would have appreciated your method as well. I think he spent the first four or five hours yelling at us to let him go. When his voice finally gave out, we were able to begin our intervention.

We reminded him how music had always played such a big part in his life. We told him how lost he seemed without it, and how he seemed to be just wandering aimlessly. Music had always given him clarity and direction. We tried to force him to tell us the real reason why he had quit composing and playing."

I stopped eating. My mind was occupied in disbelief. I shook my head slightly, to try and think productively.

"Did it work?"

She frowned.

"At first, he just screamed at us that it wasn't any of our business. Then, he moved on to blaming us for meddling in his life. He began to demand that we release him, threatening that as soon as he got himself out of the bondage he would walk out the door and never return. He tried everything…but we just kept telling him how much we loved and cared about him. We told him we didn't care how long it took; we were in it for the long haul. He was going to own up to the truth or spend the rest of his life fighting us.

He spent the night in that chair and most of the next day. He refused to eat or drink anything, and we were starting to get worried. We all knew that Edward was stubborn, but we didn't know he would hold out that long.

We were all discussing the situation in the kitchen, when he finally broke. I heard his agonized cries coming from the other room. We found him slumped in the chair, tears cascading down his cheeks. He was sobbing his heart out."

Tears began to well up in my eyes, as I pictured the scene she was describing. Knowing Edward almost all of my life, I knew how hard it would have been to break him. Something deep inside of me, felt angry that they would stomp on his spirit like that.

Rose's eyes never left mine as the various emotions spread across my face. She knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I was always such an open book. By the time I had reached the protective stage, she was nodding. Her voice softened, as she continued to tell me the story.

"Alice and I put our arms around him, offering what comfort we could. He was mumbling something about us being right, that he had lost his muse. It was tearing him up inside."

I sighed. I didn't like the direction this little chat was going.

"Rose…"

She stared right through me.

"It gets worse."

She proceeded to tell me that he had admitted to being scared when he broke up with me. He told them that there was more to it, but he was too broken up about it to tell them everything.

"He knew he had messed everything up by not talking to you about his feelings and whatever else had happened. He felt horrible about not being with you while you were sick, but he had traveled out of the state with the band for some gig. He planned to try and speak with you when he returned, but it seemed as if you were going out of your way to avoid him. He respected your wish for space and after some time, had planned to try again. It never occurred to him that he wouldn't get the chance. He never thought that you would move away.

When he found out that you were accepted to one of the elite programs, even though it was mid-semester, he started to think that maybe he had been holding you back. He convinced himself that you were better off without him distracting you. The problem was he was completely lost without you. He had tried to continue with everything as if your absence didn't affect him, but he couldn't maintain it. After a year of steady decline, he finally gave up the façade and quit everything."

She explained how they all tried to convince him to go after me.

"Whatever it was that he wasn't telling us, however, kept him from being able to risk it again. Something must have really hurt him."

Her eyes stared right through me. A shudder ran up and down my spine. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I felt the need to apologize anyways. I started to open my mouth, when she closed her eyes, breaking off the glare.

"It took us a few months, but he finally agreed that he had to at least try. Of course, we didn't know that you had moved on. It had only been a little over two years…we meant well, Bella."

I wondered why he hadn't followed through with the plan. It would have been wonderful if he had come to see me. Instead, the first time I see him after all this time he is critically ill…wait…

"What do you mean…moved on?"

Her expression leaked of frustration at having to explain everything. Once again, I didn't have a clue what she was talking about, so I just waited for her to continue.

"Bella, he traveled out here to talk things over with you. He was planning to surprise you, but then he saw you out with some guy and another couple. He said you looked so happy, he just turned around and came home. After all, he was the imbecile that let you get away in the first place, and now he had to accept the fact that he had lost you forever."

My eyes closed tightly, trying to contain the headache that was forming. Nothing she was saying made sense, and I was afraid that all of the emotion was just going to confuse matters even more. I opened my eyes and shook my head slightly.

"I'm sorry, Rose…I just can't… This…it's too distracting…I can't deal with this right now. I just…I need to focus all of my mental capabilities on healing Edward's respiratory system so the surgeons can repair the extensive damage to his upper body."

I was about to stand and remove my dish from the table, when her hand reached out and grabbed my arm.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I am not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. But, you need to hear the rest."

I slumped back into my chair, unsure if I wanted to hear anymore. I knew, however, that she wouldn't let up until I had heard the rest of her story.

"When Edward returned, he was worse than before. From what I remember, his behavior was very similar to yours after the initial breakup."

My face grimaced, as I remembered the darkest time of my life.

"We would find him simply staring at a wall, ripe from days without showering, and half-starved. This behavior continued for almost six months. It was really scary.

Jasper and Alice decided that they were not going to ask him to move out even though they were days from their wedding. They were anxious to begin their life together, but couldn't bear to put any more stress on Edward. They were just planning to be honeymooners with a roommate.

Then, one night, Jasper called in a panic. He had a bad feeling after Edward made some comment about them having to put up with him.

Edward had locked himself in the bathroom and Jasper heard him cry out in pain. After busting through the door, he found Edward collapsed against the wall, blood pouring out of his arm. He wrapped a towel around the wound, and called us. Luckily, Jasper reached him just in time."

My brow furrowed. Surely, she didn't mean to say that Edward had tried to end his life.

"No…Rose…there has to be another explanation. Edward would never do that. It must have been an accident."

Her eyes narrowed and the tone of her voice changed, warning me she did not like being challenged.

"The scar on his right forearm that stretches from his wrist to his elbow, would state otherwise."

My breathing hitched as I felt the sincerity and truth of her words. Tears began to flow down my cheeks. Her voice and gaze softened.

"The hospital stitched him up and then, due to the violence of the attempt, enrolled him in a three month suicide watch program. At the end of his incarceration time, his psychiatrist said that he was still not willing to deal with his pain. Even though he had apologized and blamed his actions on his irrational tendencies to overreact, none of us were convinced that he wouldn't try again.

After he was released from the psych ward, we set up our own version of a suicide watch program. We arranged our schedules so that at least one of us was with him at all times. We tried not to be obvious, stating that we just wanted to hang out with him, but I think he knew. Amazingly enough, he didn't resist. I got the impression that he was accepting it as the consequence for scaring us all so badly."

My head was nodding, hearing and acknowledging her words. My heart, however, had frozen mid-beat while my mind tried to process all that she was telling me.

"Oddly, I think it was our afternoons together that actually brought us closer. When it was my turn to watch over him, we usually spent it in my garage. He began to help me with whatever vehicle was there, and we would talk as we worked. After a few months, I noticed a change in his attitude. Rather than wallowing in the mistakes he had made, he was making plans for the future. He was even messing around some with writing a new ballad.

"He was finally dealing with it…"

She smiled and nodded. The air that I hadn't realized I had been holding, gushed from my throat. I felt relieved.

"At the six month mark, he called us all together and basically fired us right then and there. He said he was done with the babysitting. We knew by the tone of his voice, there was not going to be any discussion about it."

My head perked up as I could hear his strong voice inside my head. I imagined his stern face, as he dared his siblings to challenge him. I remembered all too well how he would stand his ground once he had decided something.

"He didn't come around as much, but he always made sure he had his phone with him so we could reach him. He was repeating the disappearing act, with one difference. At least one of us spoke to him each day. Technically, his residence was still with Jasper and Alice, although he rarely slept there. None of us knew what was going on, but he seemed okay for the time being."

My brow was furrowed. What could he have been up to?

"A few days ago, he showed up at my garage. When I questioned his presence, he said he was hoping we could give his Volvo a tune-up. He was preparing to go on an extended road trip to head out west and visit Carlisle and Esme. He said he had something to show them. I agreed to help get his car ready, and we made plans to start the next afternoon."

I couldn't hold back the excitement that filled my eyes. Was he planning to come and find me? Rose understood the hope in my face.

"Bella, I'm not sure if he was planning a side trip to Seattle or not. He didn't mention it, but Alice said that he had asked her if she was still in touch with you. A few months earlier, during one of our talks, I had joked that if Alice hadn't been invited to a wedding, he might still have a chance. Of course, I told him he would have to grow a pair first, and actually make contact with you."

I started to chuckle, but then I saw her eyes suddenly brimming with tears. Her breathing hitched, and I wasn't sure she would be able to continue. I moved closer, placing my hand over hers in comfort. She whispered.

"The idiot…he started…without me…"

I assumed she was referring to the accident. I had read in the report, that she was the one that had found him and called the paramedics. I waited for her to gain back control over her emotions. I needed to ask her for some details concerning the open break in his chest wall. It took a few minutes, but then she continued.

"He was anxious to get started on the tune-up, knowing that the sooner it was finished the sooner he could get on the road. Some of the family…they think it was another attempt…but I know it wasn't. He just didn't put the stands underneath, to secure the vehicle. It's a rookie mistake. His leg must have bumped the jack when he crawled underneath to pull the drain plug from the oil pan."

Her face grimaced, when she thought about the pain he must have felt.

"The car just came down and crushed him. When I found him, he was still conscious. The paramedics said it was a miracle he had any air left to speak with after such a severe chest injury."

My brow furrowed. The report didn't say he was conscious when he was found. It definitely didn't report the patient as coherent and speaking.

"What did he say, Rose?"

She sniffled, trying to control the sobs that were threatening to explode from her throat.

"H..he told me that he was sorry. Th..that he had just wanted to ch..change the oil. He promised me it was an accident, Bella. I told him I believed him. Th..then, the paramedics arrived and in minutes h..he was being pulled out from underneath the car. I rushed to his side, b..but he wasn't conscious anymore. I'm not sure h..he was even br..breathing."

I didn't wish to upset her, but I needed to know what was done about the open wound. I spoke softly, hoping to convey a sense of peace to help her think clearer.

"Rose, do you remember what happened when Edward was pulled out?"

She nodded, a fresh wave of tears rolling down her cheeks. She inhaled a deep breath, calming herself enough to speak clearly.

"The paramedics immediately covered the big hole that was in his chest with some kind of plastic, but blood continued to bubble out of his nose and mouth. At first, I couldn't hear anything, but then this gurgling sound seemed to bounce off the walls surrounding us. I looked at Edward's face, and saw it was twisted up with pain. He looked like he was really struggling to breathe. His entire body was shivering, as if he was freezing."

"I am sure his body was suffering from shock."

My hand came to rest on her arm. A gentle squeeze, expressed my appreciation for her willingness to fill in the missing parts of the report. Her other arm came to rest on the top of mine, holding me in place. Her voice now carried a sense of urgency.

"Bella, I'm concerned how he will handle seeing you. Seeing someone that you desperately desire but know you can't have…you remember what that feels like? Having you so close…basically taking care of him… it will torture him."

I slid my hand out from under her grasp and down her arm, until I could take her hand in mine.

"I understand your concern, Rose. I am also worried about his emotional state, when he realizes I am here, especially now after what you have told me. Edward's physical health and recuperation is my top priority. I will do what I can to help ease his pain. I appreciate your candor and the information.

Now, there is something you need to know as well. The guy, the only guy, Edward could have seen me with is named Jacob. He is a former patient of mine, and a dear friend."

She started to interrupt me and offer her congratulations that I had moved on. I shook my head, stopping her utterances.

"You don't understand. Jacob and I are friends, but that is all. He is more like the big brother I lost in Emmett when this whole mess started. If I am lucky to find myself with a day off, a bunch of us get together. It doesn't happen often, but it is a much needed distraction. Sometimes this job can get a little intense, especially when there is a lot of family emotions to deal with."

I stood up, grabbing my plate and utensils. I paused momentarily, debating whether or not I should tell her the rest. I decided she had confided in me, and that I should return the deed. I leaned in closer, whispering.

"Oh, and by the way, I haven't moved on. I gave Edward my heart a long time ago, and he still holds it. Oddly enough, before I was called in for this case, I had made the decision to contact Edward. I need closure, Rose. It sounds like he does, as well."

Without waiting for her response, I turned and left the cafeteria depositing my trash in the can by the door. The information she had provided confirmed what I had previously thought. A chest tube insertion was definitely on the schedule for today.


	8. Chapter 8

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Eight**

I went directly to Edward's room. I still couldn't believe he was that broken up about us. After all, he was the one who ended it so abruptly without so much as an explanation. I needed to verify the truth of Rose's words.

I also wanted to make sure that the sedative drugs had been postponed. It was time for the first, of what was sure to be many, sedation vacations. Angela confirmed that the regular dosage had been skipped, allowing for the interruption.

I approached Edward's right side, and released the wrist cuff temporarily. I gently rotated his lower arm so that the underside was visible. I gasped, when my eyes caught sight of the long scar.

"Edward…what were you thinking? Why didn't you come and talk to me?"

My fingers reached up and gently grazed his forehead, as I pushed some of his bronze locks away from the face that I loved so much.

"You used to captivate me with those eyes. Now, I am bound by the life you threw away. Your face still fills my pleasant dreams, but your words haunt my nightmares."

I leaned forward, softly placing my lips against his cheek. I whispered in his ear.

"I tried so hard to tell myself that you were gone. I have been so alone. You weren't there to dry my tears or to cheer me up when my mind would fill itself with insecurities. After you held my hand through all our childhood years, I thought you would always be there. But, you weren't.

If you were scared, why didn't you talk to me? I was scared to. We used to tell each other everything. When did it change?

You simply cast me aside for whatever else was out there. You really hurt me, Edward."

I understood, now, why doctors are not allowed to work on family. Reverently, I replaced the wrist cuff. I knew the restraints might cause him some anxiety at first, but his parents would be there to keep him calm. Squeezing his hand in mine, I gave him a final instruction before leaving his side.

"You can beat this, Edward. But, you need to fight. Don't give up."

I left the room to search out Carlisle and Esme. I felt that I at least owed them an explanation before I left. They both stood and followed me in silence, when I invited them to come with me. We walked part way down the hallway, for some privacy. I didn't wish to take on all of his family.

"I spoke to Rose…I want you both to know, that I had no idea of what happened last year. I'm sorry…"

Esme stepped right in front of me. Her arms wrapped around me in a tight embrace.

"Bella, we don't blame you for what happened. We are just so grateful that you are willing to be here now. Our son needs you."

My head dropped as my eyes stared at the floor. I didn't want to disappoint either of them.

"That's what I wanted to speak to you about. I'm afraid that my presence might inhibit Edward's recovery. I think it might be better if I remove myself and find a replacement."

Carlisle had been silent up to this point. However, when I uttered those last words, he also stepped towards me. Placing his strong hands on my shoulders, he held me until my gaze lifted to meet his.

"The only thing that will delay his recovery, is if you quit his case. The data can't be refuted, Bella. Our son has made some vast improvements since you took over his case. His body is broken and a machine is the only thing keeping him breathing and alive right now. I'm a good doctor, but I can't help him. He needs your expertise. You are the only one... Please, Bella, don't give up on him."

I had never seen the depth of emotion from a father's eyes that I saw in Carlisle's. I remembered the words of my mentor.

_It is the most difficult thing to have to treat someone you care about personally. However, when you become the best at what you do, it is a predicament you inevitably find yourself in. Would you send them to another, when you know you could help them?_

I couldn't turn the case over. He needed me. It was going to kill me to watch him walk away again when this was all over, but I would willingly sacrifice myself for him. It had always been that way for me. He was my life.

"Bella…he's starting to stir…"

I glanced up and saw Angela peering into the hallway. I nodded, acknowledging I had heard her. Carlisle's hands dropped back to his sides, as he stepped back. He looked at me, questioning with his eyes. I confirmed with another silent nod.

"Okay…I'll stay…but only as his doctor…I need to keep any other relationship in the past, so I can focus on how to best help him recover. Agreed?"

Both Carlisle and Esme nodded in agreement. Esme's mouth was turned up into a large grin. Carlisle stretched forth his right hand, as if to shake on our deal. He didn't have to say anything more, I knew that he would instruct the rest of the family to abide by my wishes.

A small chuckle vibrated from my throat. I had missed this family. Motioning towards Edward's door, I spoke softly.

"Let's get him feeling better."

Esme pulled me in for another quick hug, thanking me for sticking with her son. I turned to speak with her. I felt the need to prepare her for what was about to take place. I knew that Carlisle had an idea, but I wasn't sure if he had thought to explain it to his wife.

"I am going to temporarily disconnect the ventilator, leaving the tube in his throat in case I need to reconnect it. I don't expect his lungs to be able to handle breathing on their own just yet, but the daily interruptions are crucial to reducing the time he has to stay on mechanical ventilation. When he awakes, please do your best to keep him as still and calm as possible."

I pushed open the door of Edward's room, and watched as Esme walked straight over to his side. She immediately began to run her fingers through his hair. I could see her lips moving, and, while I couldn't hear any sounds, I knew that she was speaking softly to him.

I turned to Carlisle, and informed him of the role I needed him to play.

"When he is coherent, I'd like you to explain the procedure to him, Carlisle. I will be right there, but because his head is immobilized I am confident I can stay clear of his field of vision. Since this will be his first time of being awakened since the accident, I'd prefer if we didn't add to his stress by revealing my presence."

Carlisle agreed, grateful I was remaining on the case. He walked over to the other side of his son's bed, so that no matter which direction Edward's eyes focused, he would see one of his parents.

The heart monitor began to speed up, registering Edward's increasing awareness. Before his eyes opened, his right arm began pulling against the restraints. He began to fight against the tube in his throat, wanting it out. He was panicking.

Carlisle released the wrist restraint and took Edward's right hand into his, trying to comfort him.

"Edward, son, calm down. You were in an accident. You need to lie still. They are keeping you immobilized to prevent further injuries until they can operate. Your chest took quite a beating. The tube in your throat is helping you breathe while your lungs heal."

I watched as the aggression slowly left his body. Esme's fingers continued to stroke the side of her son's face, until he opened his eyes.

"Edward, honey, just try to relax. You have to stay calm and still. The doctors will take the tube out as soon as they know you can breathe on your own. It's going to be okay. We're right here."

I watched his reactions closely, making sure I was not in his field of vision. When his eyes first opened, I had to steady myself. I had forgotten how easy it was to become lost in them.

I noticed the emerald color was not as bright as usual. I was pretty sure it was due to the pain his body was experiencing. However, I also knew, that for him, when his eyes turned that dark, it was a sign of deep contemplation and sometimes resistance.

I made a note on his chart, to have a sedative on hand at all times. I knew how stubborn Edward could be once he got something into his head. If he decided not to cooperate, we wouldn't have a choice.

His right arm started to lift from the bed, catching my eye. The weakness I observed was to be expected, but was still hard to watch. Esme caressed his forehead, trying to comfort him. Carlisle held Edward's arm close, squeezing his hand and caressing his forearm in an effort to remind his son he was there. I observed that the small amount of freedom was helping him to relax a bit more.

It was time. I didn't want to wait any longer, knowing that we couldn't keep him conscious very long. He would simply tire himself too much.

I stepped closer, staying clear of his field of vision. I leaned over and lightly palpated his upper body. I watched as his face winced at the tenderness. Carlisle was observing my actions quietly. When our gaze met, I gave him a slight smile, indicating that we were ready to begin.

"Son, the doctor is going to disconnect the machine that is helping you breathe. The tube is still going to be in your mouth in case she needs to reconnect you. We need you to try and breathe normally. It's going to hurt, but it's important that you try as hard as you can. We want to get you breathing on your own as soon as possible. If you find that you cannot take a breath, squeeze my hand to let me know, and the doctor will reconnect the machinery. Are you ready?"

His eyes closed tightly, for a few seconds. I observed the nervous anticipation that was evident on his face slowly change to an expression of determination. When his eyes reopened, I knew he was ready.

He kept his eyes locked on those of his father's, as the sound of a gush of air filled the room. I watched closely, as he tried to inhale a breath, his lungs stuttering. His face grimaced in pain as the fire burned in his lungs. I remembered my own experience with that burn. My hand reached out to his leg, desiring to offer my encouragement and comfort as well.

His body began to tremble with his efforts to inflate his lungs. Suddenly, a gurgling sound escaped through the tube. I knew that no matter how hard he tried, it wasn't going to happen today. Quickly, I reconnected the ventilator. His eyes closed, tears leaking from the corners.

"It's okay, sweetie. It was a good try. Just relax, now."

Esme was busy comforting Edward. I motioned to Carlisle to join me at the back of the room.

"I assume you heard the same thing I did?"

His disheartened sigh was all the confirmation I needed. He related to me that the hospital staff back east had taken a more conservative approach in his treatment, believing that the pneumothorax would resolve spontaneously over a period of about six weeks. He had questioned their method, but, since it wasn't his expertise, he let them do what they thought was best.

"It's a tough call to make sometimes. If the patient is making even small improvements, it is better to treat conservatively."

His eyes narrowed.

"Yes, but he wasn't improving."

My hand reached out and squeezed his arm. I could feel his frustration.

"Can you handle walking him through this?"

His brow furrowed at first. Then, with a face full of determination, he silently nodded. He turned around and approached his wife, bending to whisper in her ear that she needed to return to the waiting room. Her concerned eyes glanced at me and then back to her husband. With fresh tears cascading down her cheeks, she bent down and kissed Edward on the forehead.

"I love you, son. Listen to your father. I will be back soon."

The concern was evident in Edward's expression. He knew whatever was coming, wasn't good if his mom was asked to leave. Still not ready to reveal my presence to him and add to his emotional state of unrest, I put on a surgical mask. Angela followed my example, to help eliminate suspicion. We approached the right side of his bedside, preparing him for the procedure. Carlisle was on Edward's left side, trying to explain what was about to happen.

I wrapped my fingers around Edward's right wrist, lifting his arm above his head. Angela was waiting at the top of the bed to secure his arm with the necessary restraints. The moment he felt the thick strap stretch across the bent portion of his arm, he began to resist.

"Son, it's okay. Just look at me. You can do this."

The monitors started beeping, as Edward began fighting against the ventilator. He was trying to pull the tube from his throat with his teeth.

"Sir, you need to calm down or we will have to sedate you."

The angry glare Edward gave Angela almost made me giggle. I had seen that expression so many times during our childhood. He hated being told what to do. I shook my head slightly, trying to dismiss the memories invading my thoughts so I could focus on the task in front of me.

I prepared the syringe of local anesthetic, while Angela prepped the area with some iodine. Edward's eyes caught sight of the needle, and a small whimper vibrated from around the tube in his throat.

"Just try to relax, son. The lidocaine will sting a little when it first goes in, but it will numb the area quickly."

Carlisle reached up, and took Edward's restrained hand in his. The contact seemed to help keep him grounded.

Edward flinched when the tip of the needle pressed into the skin just under his armpit. Injecting some of the contents of the syringe, I then moved the needle back and up, preparing to inject the adjacent area. Edward's arm was trembling. His upper body was trying to move away from the pain of the injection. I placed my gloved fingers against his chest wall, trying to help hold him in place.

The familiar tingle of electricity coursed through my fingers. His body froze; his eyes were boring into my face. For a minute, I wondered if the surgical mask had fallen off. I could feel the edges, however, so I tried to ignore his stare and just continued what I was doing. I moved the needle a few more times, completing a wheel design. Once I was confident that the area was sufficiently anesthetized, I retracted the needle.

Because of the traumatic injury, it was necessary to use a larger tube. Cutting an incision long enough to fit a 9.3 mm size tube, I then inserted the blunt snips to bore a hole through the muscle and tissues. It was obvious when the pleural space was penetrated, as a red-tinged fluid began to flow from the opening. I was grateful he would only feel the wetness of the fluid as it traveled down his side. I'm not sure he could have handled seeing it.

My assumption was confirmed within seconds. Concern spread across Edward's face as his eyes filled with fear.

"It's okay, son. That's what we want. We need to drain that fluid away from your lungs so you have a chance to inflate them on your own. Now, you are going to feel some pressure when she inserts the tube. Just hold on to me."

Using my finger first to ensure the pathway was clear, I inserted the plastic tubing. I noticed the muscles bulging in Edward's forearm, as he gripped his father's arm for strength. Once it was in, I observed the tube momentarily, ensuring of its placement before starting to secure it.

"It's over, Edward. The doctor will just secure it in place now. You did great, son."

Edward's gaze stared questioningly at his father. After a few moments of contemplation, Carlisle figured out what he must want to know.

"The tube will be left in place until there isn't any more fluid seen escaping through it. Two to four days is the usual time frame."

Edward's body seemed to deflate right in front of us all. I was concerned that he had become too tired from all of the activity. Turning to Angela, I quietly asked her to resume his medications, knowing it would sedate him.

Gently, I released the restraints holding his right arm securely above his head. Keeping a tight grip on his wrist, I slowly lowered his arm back to the side of the bed. The grimace on his face displayed his discomfort. Carlisle spoke to him softly, trying to keep him calm.

After securing his arm once more to the bed, I checked the IV tubing in his arm to ensure an uninterrupted flow of medication. Then, I moved to the foot of the bed signaling that the procedure was over. I was hoping the distance might help him to relax.

I was completing the report concerning the last procedure, when Angela approached his bedside with a syringe. She hesitated, as Carlisle was conversing quietly with Edward. After a few minutes, she reached for the port of the IV catheter.

"I'm sorry, but it's time to put him back under."

Without warning, Edward sprang to life with resistance. I dropped his chart and reached for his legs. Carlisle also jumped into action, neither of us wanting Edward to injure himself further. Angela quickly dispensed the medication into his IV.

Fortunately, it only took a few seconds. His aggressive movements became quiet, until all that was left of his resistance were his wide eyes and his clenching fist. I walked back up to his bedside to check the newly placed chest tube to make sure he hadn't dislodged it.

I didn't know if he was purposely trying to keep the medication from entering his vein by pumping his fist, but it was causing some back flow inside the catheter. I reached up and placed my hand over his. Sliding the pad of my thumb back and forth across the back of his hand, I tried to soothe him until the medication could take effect.

His tormented gaze was locked onto the ceiling. It nearly broke my heart when I saw the tears running down his face. Carlisle's fatherly voice filled the area around us.

"It's okay, son. We're all here. We will take turns watching over you. Just rest, now. Let your body heal."

His eyelids fought for a few more minutes, then, finally, remained closed. I shook my head. Removing the surgical mask, I glanced over at Carlisle.

"He is still stubborn, I see."

A smile turned up the corners of his mouth.

"Yes, I suppose he gets that from me."

Carlisle left the room to return to the waiting room. I encouraged Angela to go get something to eat. I still had to finish the charting I was working on earlier. Grabbing the pen and file, I sank down into one of the lounge chairs by the window.

The door opened slowly, a timid form passing through the doorway. I glanced up, smiling at my best friend. I motioned for her to join me in the adjacent chair. My voice was soft as I spoke to her, not wishing to intrude on the peacefulness of the room.

"Alice, I've missed you."

She turned towards me, shock on her face. She leaned forward, so I would be able to hear her whisper.

"Dad told us to keep your presence a secret in front of Edward. What are you doing?"

I chuckled. I missed the way my friend always made me laugh.

"He is sedated right now. I don't think he will be any the wiser. But, just in case, why don't we continue this conversation later tonight. Will you join me for dinner? You know how I hate to eat alone."

A warm smile spread across her face. After agreeing to meet me for dinner, she scooted her chair over to Edward's bedside. She placed her small hand onto the top of his right thigh, and started to speak to him about everything and anything. I hoped he was getting at least some comfort from her touch, because I knew he wouldn't get much rest for the next few hours.


	9. Chapter 9

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Nine**

"…that shoulder needs repaired, Bella. You know that surgery leads to an improved outcome when you are dealing with displaced fractures."

My eyes closed as I tried to keep my voice from rising.

"Yes, Frank, I am aware of the recommended treatment. But, I am more concerned right now about a possible spinal cord injury."

The protest he had already formulated in his head stalled in his throat. My words caused him to pause, his head slightly cocked to the side.

"There wasn't any loss of movement noted on his chart. What makes you think…"

It had been my experience, in the past, that surgeons were usually convinced they knew it all. However, the ones on the trauma team have worked with me enough to know that I had exceptional diagnostic skills. It wasn't uncommon for me to observe signs and symptoms that even the most trained eye would miss.

"Chest injuries with multiple rib fractures often result in additional injuries around the victim's back. From the reports, it looks as if most of his previous exams were focused on his frontal injuries. Since severe spinal cord damage can lead to paralysis, I want to make sure of his condition before subjecting his body to more procedures."

His eyes stared into mine.

"And…what have you seen, Bella?"

I started to list off all of the signs and symptoms that I had observed.

"…difficulty breathing, fluid in and around his lungs, weakness and in-coordination in his extremities. I know that all of it can be explained by his obvious injuries, which is probably why the other medical staff didn't investigate further. I can't explain it, Frank, but something just isn't sitting right with me."

He drew in a deep breath, considering my words. He sighed.

"Alright, take him off the sedation. I will return in a couple of hours to give him a neurological exam. But if he passes, Bella, I am scheduling the surgery for first thing in the morning."

I agreed to his terms, grateful that he was indulging me this much. He stepped around me and I began to walk towards Edward's room.

"Bella?"

I turned my head to the side, and saw Rose standing just around the corner. I wasn't sure if she had heard the entire conversation, but it was clear she was privy to at least the last part. Her lip was trembling, as she tried to hold back the tears of concern.

"Hey, Rose."

She stepped closer, lowering her voice.

"Will Edward be paralyzed?"

I reached out and squeezed her arm in comfort.

"We don't know the extent of his injuries, yet. The exam will tell us more. If he does have a spinal injury, the exam will provide us with the critical information needed to give us a chance to prevent those kinds of complications. It will also determine the amount and type of recovery his body will require. Please, Rose, don't say anything to anyone yet. There's no need for everyone to worry about something that isn't confirmed. I'm just trying to be extra cautious."

She appeared to have gained control of her emotions. She agreed not to say anything until we knew for sure. Then, she apologized for eavesdropping. It wasn't her intention. She had been looking for me to ask if she could be present today, when we allowed Edward to wake up.

"It's alright with me, Rose. But I think you should speak to Carlisle and Esme."

Her face lit up. I knew before she told me, that she had already cleared it with them. I smiled in response, and motioned for her to join me in Edward's room. As we walked, I instructed her much the same as I had Esme the day before.

"…the most important thing you can do to help, Rose, is to keep him calm and still."

I opened the door, approached Angela, and informed her of my conversation with the trauma surgeon. She immediately stopped the flow of the medication.

Ninety minutes had passed. I spoke softly, telling Rose to go ahead and start speaking to Edward. I knew he would be coming out of the sedation soon.

A small twinge of longing coursed through my body. I wished that I was the one sitting at his bedside, holding his hand and caressing his forehead. Closing my eyes, I forced those thoughts from my head. I couldn't afford to think like that. Even though Edward had gone through a rough patch, Rose had said he was turning his life around. She didn't even know if he was planning to contact me during his planned visit.

I shook my head, clearing it. Edward had found a way to move on, and now it was my turn. I would get his body on the path to healing, and then I would return to Seattle. A feeling of calm draped over me. We were once the best of friends. Maybe if I could close the door on the romantic feelings, we could, one day, rekindle our friendship. I missed him.

"It's okay, Edward. Just relax." A low chuckle vibrated from Rose's throat. "I know that look. You are sick of hearing it. But, Edward, it's important that you listen. You have some pretty serious injuries, some that can be dangerous and cause further problems. So, just behave and do what the doctor says. Okay?"

I saw his hand squeeze hers gently, in response. It gave me an idea. I grabbed his chart and quickly wrote down some questions I wanted him to answer. Handing the chart to Angela, I spoke quietly to inform her of my plan. She took it in her hands and smiled. Turning around, she slowly approached the left side of his bed.

"Edward, my name is Angela. I am one of the nurses taking care of you. I need to ask you some questions. If the answer is yes, I want you to make a fist with your right hand. If the answer is no, keep your hand open. Do you understand the instructions I just gave you?"

His eyes closed for a few seconds. As they reopened, his right hand clenched into a tight fist. A small smile turned up the corners of my mouth. This was going to work. I stood silently at the end of his bed, making sure I was well away from his field of vision. I planned to observe every movement and expression he made, as Angela asked him the questions I had written on his chart.

"Since the accident, have you experienced any headaches?" His hand made a fist. "Do you have one right now?" Another fist. "Alright, Edward, I am going to give you a rating scale of 1 to 3. 1 means the headache is just a dull pain, 2 means it hurts but is tolerable, 3 means it is hard for you to think past it. Now, thinking only about your headache, I want you to rate your pain."

It took a few seconds, and, at first, his hand simply formed another closed fist. I didn't realize I was holding my breath, while waiting for his response. When two fingers stretched out, however, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Immediately, the expression in his eyes changed. I could see the confusion and then the silent questions waiting there. He must have heard me. Angela made the note on his chart, trying to hide the smile that was threatening to spread across her face. I knew I would get teased about it later. Owning my mistake, I signaled for her to continue.

"Since the accident, have you experienced any nausea?" His hand remained open. "Since the accident, have you experienced any numbness?" His hand started to close, but then hesitated. It was almost as if he was undecided. Angela picked up on his confusion right away. "Are you unsure?" His hand made a fist almost immediately.

Angela glanced over to me, waiting to see how I wanted to proceed. She knew, as well as I did, that a loss of sensation test was the next step. It involved various evaluations performed by the doctor. Frustration filled my thoughts. I was not used to sitting on the sidelines only observing. I needed to be the one completing the exam. I motioned to Angela, letting her know my plan.

"Okay, Edward, the doctor needs to assess your sense of touch."

The heart monitor beeped, registering his anxiety. I was confused, at first, as to why this would make him nervous. Suddenly, flashes of memories from our childhood assaulted my mind. I had almost forgotten about Edward's strong fear of doctors.

Carlisle had to bring medical supplies and tools home once a year to give Edward his annual well-child exam. A smile spread across my face, as I remembered how one year he had hid out at my house, knowing that Carlisle was home early waiting for him to return from school.

Esme had finally come over to retrieve him. His hand had gripped onto mine tightly, and he wasn't showing any signs of letting go. I noticed the tears welling up in his eyes. Esme and my mother visited quietly for a few minutes, while I tried to figure out what I could do to help my friend. The next thing I knew, my mom was suggesting that I also get an annual physical from Dr. Cullen. I started to protest, remembering how I had been in his office only a couple of months prior. The look in my mother's eyes, however, squelched all sound from my throat. A quick glance at Edward's hopeful face, and I was more than happy to accompany him.

I remembered holding his hand continually, while Edward's father performed the exams. He listened to our heartbeats, checked our reflexes, looked at our eyes, nose and throat, poked around on our abdomens, and then drew a small vial of blood from each of us. Esme gave us both a sucker when it was over, and sent us outside to play for awhile longer before I had to go home.

We were only in the second grade at the time, but it became a tradition that was followed every year after. Edward would always thank me for supporting him when it was over. The first time he simply squeezed my hand, then he began giving me a hug afterwards, and the last few years he graced my cheek with a tender kiss.

Caught up in the memory, my fingertips caressed my cheek. Another movement in the room distracted me from the thoughts inside my head. It was Rose. She was moving to the top of Edward's bed. She placed her hand on his right shoulder gently.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm right here. You are going to be fine."

I watched as his eyes followed her movement and then remained fixed on her. Because of the strap holding his head securely in place, I knew he would not be able to see me as I examined him.

Picking up a small needle from a nearby tray of extra supplies, I approached his bedside. My own heart rate picked up, feeling the familiar pull that would always hit me when I stood near him. I took a deep breath, and then signaled to Angela that I was ready to begin.

"We will use the same response method as before. A tight fist means yes, and an open hand means no. Are you ready?"

His hand trembled a little, as he closed it into a fist. I decided to start at his waist, as we had already seen evidence of sensation in his upper body during the chest tube insertion. Angela was busy instructing him to make a fist each time he felt the doctor touch him.

Slowly, I pushed the sheet away from his lower right side. I noticed him clenching his fist. The heart rate monitor began to beep, notifying us all of his increasing anxiety. Angela spoke to him softly.

"You need to relax, Edward."

I waited for his hand to open. As soon as it did, I pressed the tip of the needle into the skin just above his hip bone. His lower body flinched and tried to pull away. I was expecting this reaction, and quickly pressed the fingers of my empty hand against his right hip. I was surprised at how easy it was to push him back against the bed. His weakness definitely concerned me.

I noticed his right arm was pulling against the wrist cuff in resistance. His hand was clenched so tight, his knuckles were white. Cautiously, I moved to his mid-thigh. I slid my empty hand up towards his fist, and squeezed gently. The machine registered a slight decrease in his heart rate, as his fingers began to relax. I took his hand into mine, trying to offer encouragement.

Pressing the tip of the needle into the skin on the side of his thigh, I watched for his response. It wasn't as aggressive as earlier, but still confirmed that he felt the pin prick. His fingers curled around mind, squeezing briefly. We were almost holding hands. I squeezed back gently, encouraging him.

Then, pulling my hand away, I continued to move farther down his body. I checked for his response to the stimuli at various spots along his leg. So far, so good. When I reached the bottom of his right foot, the response was immediate. I observed his entire leg tense as his foot pulled away slightly.

Satisfied that he hadn't lost any sensation on his right side, I pulled the sheet back into place. I moved to the other side of his bed, preparing to repeat the procedure on the left side of his lower body.


	10. Author's Note

A/N: First of all, I want to thank all of my readers! Thanks for taking the time to review. I understand that not all readers will like my storyline, that is part of the business. I appreciate when readers share with me the emotions they experience while reading my words. I apologize to those that have felt that parts of my story are too technical and they feel lost among those short descriptions and jargon, however please respect that this is my style.

I was ready to post the next few chapters, when I received an anonymous attack. Reviews are appreciated, hate is not! I apologize for having to post this note generally, but since the reader was not brave enough to leave his or her login I must answer the attack in this manner.

As a published author, I am well aware of how much research goes into a story not only for the plot, but also as part of the characters and their development. I am very strict when it comes to my writing to make sure that everything is as accurate and believable as possible so that none of the magic of the story is lost!

In a final effort to explain the timeline of the heroine of my story, following is some of the extensive research that I completed before beginning to write:

Enrolled in Pre-Med, excellent 4-year program provided hands-on experience through practice based clinical service where could apply classroom knowledge to actual patient situations

Transferred during middle of 3rd year, placed on advanced clinical track, began seeing patients who have various body system disorders under supervision of medical professional mentor, combined last year of pre-med with first year of medical school

During combined year participated in a paid clinical work experience while completing respiratory therapy professional coursework. Advanced clinical track provided opportunity to develop specialized and leadership skills.

Second year of medical school filled with a variety of clinical experiences along with a dedicated block of time for medical rotations in selected specialty areas.

First was a thoracic rotation which involved many procedures including thoracotomies, bronchoscopies, esophagoscopy, lung volume reductions as well as others. Learned extensively about pharmacology as it applies to thoracic surgery. Became proficient in methods of lung isolation, CDL tubes, bronchial blockers, and thoracic epidural and paravertebral blocks.

Second was a neuroanesthesia rotation (recommended by her mentor) which involved cases including both vascular and non-vascular craniotomies as well as various spinal procedures.

Following year now a licensed health professional able to provide care to patients with cardiopulmonary disorders, work in variety of settings including ICU, ER, and on trauma team. Complete residency year and prepared by mentor to take her place next year.

Replace mentor as respiratory expert on trauma team, begins fellowship.

***Please note: The heroine of the story is a respected member of the trauma team, however she is **not** the leader. And she most certainly does not run the hospital! If my words are read carefully, it is explained how the lead surgeon indulges her concerns and with her assistance completes a neurological exam on the current patient. The heroine has excellent diagnostic skills and has on more than one occasion picked up on symptoms that regular tests have missed. That, and her dedication to her patients and team has earned her the respect of other medical professionals!

I am invested in this story and plan to continue sharing it as long as there are readers that appreciate it and my style of writing. Let me know if I should post the next chapter…

MickeyandMinnie


	11. Chapter 10

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Ten**

The door to Edward's hospital room opened. I glanced up and saw Frank, the main surgeon from the trauma team. He looked first at Edward, then me.

"Good, he's awake. Miss, you will need to wait outside during the exam."

Instantly, the monitor began to fill the room with evidence of Edward's displeasure. Rose bent down and spoke to him lovingly.

"It's okay, Edward. You're in good hands."

She bent down and spoke softly into his ear.

"Bella's here."

My eyes snapped to hers. The expression on my face left no doubt of the words I wanted to speak. What was she doing? We had decided not to add to his stress and to keep my presence from him. My gaze switched to see his reaction to her words.

His eyes were wide. They had locked onto hers and appeared to be begging her for confirmation. She leaned down and kissed his forehead.

"Don't worry. She'll take care of you."

His eyes began searching the room. The head restraint was limiting his field of vision, and I could see the muscles in his neck as he strained against its tight hold. A blanket of sympathy draped around me.

Rose had barely crossed over the door's threshold, when the surgeon began to assess Edward's sense of touch on the lower left side where I had left off. Edward's body was tense, and flinched each time Frank touched him. I knew how strong his fear of doctors was. Remembering how my presence had helped him to relax when we were children, I stepped closer so that I was in his field of vision. Immediately, I could feel his warm gaze fall upon me. Hesitantly, I glanced down and smiled. I was trying to reassure him, but his brow furrowed. It was almost as if he doubted what his eyes were seeing.

I reached out and cautiously grazed the side of his face with my fingertips. The moment our skin made contact, a sense of peace filled his eyes. Another smile formed at my lips. I was grateful that my presence seemed to be a positive thing. I had been so worried that it would add to his emotional stress.

Even though the other doctor in the room was poking and prodding him, Edward refused to become distracted. His gaze had locked on me and he wasn't in any hurry to release me from his stare.

I watched as Frank took a pen from his lab coat pocket. He pressed the tip of the pen hard onto the fingernail of Edward's third finger. I observed the grimace appear on Edward's face, as he pulled his finger into the palm of his right hand to protect it from the painful stimuli.

"Look at me…"

The surgeon was speaking to Edward, but he did not appear to be listening. I watched as Frank moved to the top of Edward's bed. Frank thought the movement would distract Edward, but those emerald green eyes remained fixed on mine. I heard the sigh of frustration leak out of my colleague's mouth. Reaching up with a pen light in between his fingers, he shone a bright light directly into Edward's eyes.

The irritation rolled off Edward's body. It showed in the expression on his face. Because he couldn't turn his head away, he had to close his eyes in order to escape from the offensive brightness. The moment his vision was interrupted, the heart monitor began to beep loudly. I ran my fingers through his hair, allowing my touch to calm him.

"Pupils are equal and reactive, but a little sluggish to light. How is his rate and pressure?"

My voice sounded almost robotic, as I tried to hold back the emotions that were threatening to flood my entire being.

"140 beats per minute, blood pressure 140 over 90."

Edward still had his eyes closed, but the machine registered his body beginning to relax. My colleague took advantage of Edward's distraction, and chose that moment to continue to evaluate Edward's response to obnoxious stimuli. He moved back to the right side of the bed.

Reaching forward, he gripped Edward's right nipple in between his fingers, pulling and twisting. Both of Edward's lower legs pulled up from the bed. A loud grunt filled the room, as a great amount of air was pushed through and around the tube in his throat.

"Frank!"

My voice clearly expressed my displeasure. Frank's head turned towards me, a smirk on his face. My eyes narrowed, challenging him to say something. He shook his head slightly and returned to the top of Edward's bed.

"I am not seeing any signs of spinal injury. We can safely remove this…"

I watched as he began to remove the head restraint. Placing each of his palms onto the side of Edward's face, he spoke gently but with authority.

"Look straight ahead."

Apparently, Frank had finally earned Edward's full attention. He listened to the doctor's orders, his gaze locked on the ceiling. My colleague moved Edward's head left to right, and then up and down. My gaze was glued to Edward's eye reflexes.

"See how his eyes remained stationary and moved with his head? He's fine, Bella. I will order the change in medications and schedule the surgery for first thing in the morning."

He released Edward's head, moving down to the end of the bed to note his findings on the chart. Edward's head slowly turned towards me. He looked exhausted.

"It's okay. Just rest now."

I reached up and pushed some stray locks of bronze away from his forehead. Edward's eyes closed momentarily, his entire being appeared to be reveling in my touch.

For me, however, the contact only seemed to fill my entirety with confusion. It was as if the past years of heartache and loneliness didn't matter anymore. I knew I would pay for it later, probably suffer worse than last time, but I couldn't stop my body from responding to him.

My eyes filled with longing as I looked upon his face. My fingers trembled as the tips made contact with his skin, the electric hum ever present. My own breathing pattern stuttered as I realized how deep I had already allowed myself to sink.

Forcing my gaze to look away, I tried to focus on what else was happening in the room. I observed Frank speaking quietly to Angela.

He had finished making the changes on Edward's chart, and was now approaching the left side of Edward's bed. I walked around to the right side to be out of the way, yet still close enough to offer support if needed.

"I need to examine your shoulder injury. I apologize. This is going to hurt. Just hang in there…I will try to be quick."

He tried to explain what he was doing, but, once again, Edward did not appear to be listening. His gaze had locked onto me as I moved around the bed. The twisted expression on his face was the only sign that he was even aware of what the surgeon was doing.

"The surgery will restore full movement and reduce the amount of pain you feel during recovery. The x-ray showed the fracture is displaced, meaning that the bone fragments have moved out of their natural alignment. During the surgery, we will move the bones back into their proper position. We will cast that part of your body to keep the shoulder from moving while the bone heals. The x-ray didn't show the ball portion being broken, split, or crushed, so a shoulder replacement shouldn't be necessary unless we find things are different when we get in there."

I could tell that most of what he was saying was being lost before Edward could process it. I, however, was absorbing every word that came out of my colleague's mouth.

"The main part of the fracture is right at the joint where your collarbone and shoulder blade meet. There is also evidence of a dislocation between the ball and the socket joint. I'm going to push down with my finger to determine if there is an effusion within the joint."

Edward's face grimaced, as the doctor's palpating finger caused a sharp pain to spread across the already tender area. The surgeon glanced up, looking straight at me.

"There is a boggy feeling with his shoulder."

I wasn't sure what that meant, but I didn't like the concern I saw on his face. I squeezed Edward's hand in mine, as I watched Frank add another finger to the bruised area. Edward's body immediately tensed, as the palpations between the doctor's fingers fluctuated. Loud grunts were vibrating from Edward's chest. He tried to pull away from the source of the extreme pain that was now flooding his upper body. I placed my empty hand onto his chest, trying to brace him.

"There's a slight displacement of fluid which is causing extra swelling to develop in the proximal areas to his shoulder."

I watched in silence as he evaluated Edward's arm for any deformity caused by the additional swelling. He slid his probing fingers down the underside of Edward's arm, searching for signs of damage to the nerves and blood vessels.

Edward's eyes clamped shut and his grip on my hand tightened, as he tried to endure the painful probing. Upon finishing the examination, the surgeon turned his attention toward Edward.

"We will get this taken care of first thing tomorrow."

He patted Edward's left thigh, and then glanced at me. He gave me a smile and a nod, which I returned, before he left.

Rose opened the door merely seconds after the surgeon had exited the room.

"I saw the other doctor leave; may I come back in?"

I nodded and smiled. I was glad that Edward's family was there to give him the support he needed.

I decided to do a quick check of his vitals after such an intense evaluation. Angela had left to get the new medications that the surgeon had ordered. I had not read his chart yet, but I assumed that we would be administering a stronger painkiller.

I placed the pulse oximeter on his middle finger. His head turned slowly in my direction. The level of saturation had dropped since the last check. I reached for my stethoscope. Edward's eyes narrowed.

"Relax…I just want to listen for a minute."

The breath sounds were indicative of under ventilation of his lung tissue. I reached above his head, and raised the pressure to 480ml. After a few cycles, I positioned my stethoscope on his chest again.

"Better"

Replacing my tool around my neck, I began to move towards the foot of his bed. I had to chart the change in pressure and the outcome. Rose's voice was quieter than usual, but still had a questioning tone.

"Bella, can't you take this tube out of his throat?"

I reminded myself that she wasn't challenging my expertise. It was hard to see a loved one so broken. Taking a deep breath, I tried to explain.

"His body is able to absorb oxygen much more easily during mechanical ventilation, Rose. After such a severe chest injury, it would be very difficult for him to maintain natural respiratory movements on his own." I turned my gaze to the patient. "I know that you hate the tube, Edward. I need you to trust me. It is better, right now, that you don't overtire your lungs and exhaust yourself. You need all of your strength and energy to heal."

His eyes closed, momentarily, acknowledging my words. Rose continued to offer comfort to him. I had just finished the additions to Edward's chart, when the door opened slowly.

"Rose?"

It was the voice of my best friend. Rose turned around and nodded in her direction. She stood up and leaned forward, kissing Edward's forehead. His brow furrowed, questioning her departure.

"We have all been taking turns sitting with you, but only a few of us have been lucky enough to catch you awake. The little pixie wants some time before they sedate you again."

His head turned towards the doorway, catching his little sister's gaze with his. A choked sob burst forth from her lips. His eyes softened, as he witnessed the emotion in hers. She hurried over to his side, kissing his cheek.

She sat with him for a few minutes, just staring into his eyes. She began to trail her fingertips across his forehead and down the side of his face. The only sounds in the room were those coming from the machines. I was surprised my best friend could be silent for so long.

I stepped closer, curious. The sight before me, made my heart crumble. Tears had saturated Alice's cheeks. She had been silently sobbing since she walked in. Edward's right fingers were clutching tightly to hers, as he tried to comfort her. My hand came to rest on her back, rubbing up and down.

"He'll be okay, Alice. He is just going to need some time to heal."

Edward's gaze met mine. The hope I observed in his expression took me back. Did he not think he would pull through this? A strong sense of urgency overcame me. I had to make sure he understood.

"You are going to make it, Edward. Just listen to us and do what we tell you. I'm not ready to lose one of my best friends."

**A/N: Thank you for all of the encouraging reviews! **


	12. Chapter 11

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Eleven**

Angela entered the room with a fresh bag of IV fluids and a syringe. I took a moment to peruse Edward's medical chart. I had been right in my earlier assumptions. The surgeon wanted him on a different pain medication. It was stronger than the one he was currently on, and would better aid his pain control after the extensive surgery. I was worried that it might place him under a heavier blanket of sedation, but I was grateful he wouldn't be suffering from debilitating pain.

I observed as Angela finished the quick assessment of his vitals I had started, before replacing the bag of fluids. Edward's eyes were watching her every move as she exchanged the lines on the port of his IV. He seemed relatively calm, until she pulled the syringe from the pocket of her scrub top.

His head lifted from the bed, as his right fist clenched tight in resistance. He knew that the contents of the syringe would force him back into the darkness. Alice responded immediately by pressing his head back to the bed.

"You need to rest, Edward. Don't worry; Bella and I will take care of you."

Angela pushed on the plunger, emptying the contents of the syringe into the catheter tubing. His arm continued to pull against the restraints. He could feel the cold sensation of the additional medicine traveling up his arm, and it was obvious he didn't like it.

Edward was stubborn, but he would not be able to resist the effects of this medicine. It was too strong. His head rolled to one side, his gaze searching for mine.

When our eyes met, I could see him pleading with me. I watched as his eyes began to glaze over. He was losing the battle, and he knew it. I stepped closer, rubbing his leg with my hand.

"Try to relax. We'll be right here, when you wake up."

Angela turned towards me and whispered softly that his temperature had risen to 100.6. I moved even closer, checking the site of his chest tube. I was concerned that he had developed an infection. Upon examination, I was relieved to find that all was as it should be.

Unfortunately, that meant his body was busy fighting something that we had yet to discover. That bad feeling I had been experiencing earlier came back full force. What was I missing?

My fingertips grazed his side. His skin temperature was definitely hotter than normal. My gaze lifted to catch his. I was planning to ask him a barrage of questions, to try and figure this out. One look at his face, however, and the unspoken words died in my throat. He was out.

Angela suggested a cold sponging to reduce his fever. Alice volunteered to assist. I wasn't sure if that was something Edward would want. I knew they were close, but…

"Trust me, Bella; he would rather one of his family bathe him than a stranger. Besides, he is sedated. He will never know it even happened. Please…I wanted to chat with you more about our conversation last night that we didn't get to finish."

I remembered the direction our conversation was headed when, thankfully, my pager interrupted our dinner. I wasn't too eager to strike up where we had left off last night. My reluctance must have shown, because she spent the next few minutes backtracking.

"…or not…we can talk about something else…please, Bella…I just want some girl talk. I've missed it."

Guilt draped down on top of me. I, at least, owed my best friend some girl time. I agreed to her help. Angela was busy preparing the needed supplies while Alice and I worked out who was going to wash which part.

Squeezing out one of the soft cloths, I began with Edward's face and neck. Alice started with his right arm, removing the restraints temporarily. She washed his armpit and shoulder, then moved down his arm. I moved downward, being careful to avoid all of the wires and adhesive adorning his chest.

The monitor beeped, registering a spike in Edward's heart rate. Alice giggled and gave me a knowing look. I was surprised that he was able to fight the heaviness of the sedative. He wasn't able to respond other than reacting to stimuli, but it was more than I expected. I reached up and caressed his forehead.

"Shh…it's okay, Edward. Try to relax."

Alice raised her eyebrows and stared at me as the monitor registered Edward calming down. Her head nodded in understanding. Whispering, she spoke only loud enough for us to hear.

"You always did have a way of calming my brother. He can get so intense sometimes. You were good for him, Bella."

Ignoring her comment, I moved down his bedside. This was exactly where she was leading the conversation last night. I knew better than to go down that path. As much as I loved the man lying in this bed, I didn't think I could risk what was left of my heart. Besides, I didn't even know if he…

Shaking my head to clear away the dangerous thoughts, I plunged the soft rag back into the tub of cool water. I had to keep this strictly professional. I reached out and cautiously pushed the sheet covering his lower body to the center of the bed between his legs.

Alice proceeded to wash his right leg while my cloth caressed the skin of his left. I couldn't help but marvel at the muscles in his legs. That was one of the things I loved about him; he always kept his body in great shape. I hoped that would help him to recover faster.

I moved toward the foot of the bed to wash his feet, when, suddenly, Alice slid her rag under the edge of his hospital gown. A soft groan mixed with a grunt, rumbled from Edward's chest. With wide eyes, I tried to reprimand my best friend using only a whisper. Her dark eyes looked at me matter-of-factly.

"He has that awful tube stuck in him, Bella. I am sure that is where this heat is coming from."

She pulled her hand back, and I noticed that it was empty. I glanced back at his groin and could see the extra rumple under his gown. She had left that cold rag draped across him. No wonder he was becoming restless, even with the sedative coursing through his veins.

I started to move forward with plans to remove the offensive material, when she held up her hand motioning for me to stop.

"Wait, Bella. Check his temperature, first."

My eyes narrowed, not approving of her actions. I realized, however, that it would be faster to do as she asked rather than try to argue. I pushed the reset button on the machine to obtain a fresh temperature reading. Sure enough, the cold sponging had worked. His temperature had dropped back to 97 degrees.

"Okay, now take it off."

Alice smiled as she lifted the edge of his gown. I couldn't help myself. My eyes were glued to the task her hands were involved in. I told myself I was just concerned that she might accidentally pull on the catheter, but deep down I knew better.

Edward and I had never done anything below the waist when we were together. I never pushed it, thinking there was always time for more…Now, part of me was curious at what I was going to be missing out on for the remainder of my life.

Carefully, Alice's fingers slid underneath the very edge of the cloth. Making sure she didn't pull the tubing with the material, she slowly removed the rag. Cool air brushed against his most sensitive part, causing a shudder to course through his body. Another soft grunt from the patient's chest, broke my mesmerized stare.

I shook my head slightly, chastising myself. I am a doctor, for heaven's sake. I am supposed to be professional. What was wrong with me?

As I replaced his gown and the sheet, I could feel Alice staring at me. I glanced up. A wide grin was stretched across her face.

"I'm sorry, Alice. That was inappro…"

She didn't let me finish. Instead, she leaned forward and whispered softly.

"I know he's my brother, Bella, but…Wow! He has an impressive package!"

The horror of my embarrassment for this entire exchange was obvious in my eyes. I was never more grateful for the sedative drugs currently flowing through Edward's system. I hoped he was only able to feel sensation, and not partake of the conversation occurring above him.

Alice giggled.

"That was fun. I've missed you so much, Bella."

She sauntered over to the door.

"Emmett is spending the night with Edward. I'll let him know our brother has already had his bath."

I pursed my lips, not willing to let her bait me. I waved goodbye and then turned around to take care of the tub and washcloths.


	13. Chapter 12

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Twelve**

I was dreading Emmett's arrival, not knowing how much my best friend would share. Thankfully, it appeared our activities were going to remain just between us. His burly frame walked over to me first. His strong arms enveloped me in a matter of seconds.

"Can't…breathe…Em…"

His low chuckle filled the room. He stepped back and a serious expression replaced the usual jovial one.

"How is he?"

My doctor mask quickly made an appearance, as I tried to fill in Edward's older brother of his condition.

"We changed his medication. The surgeon was here earlier, and had to examine his injured shoulder. He was hurting quite a bit after that, so we gave him a stronger pain reliever. He will probably be out of it the rest of the night."

Emmett's expression acknowledged he had heard my words, but he was still planning to stay. I watched in silence as he pulled one of the lounge chairs closer to Edward's bedside. My heart filled with warmth when I heard Emmett begin speaking to his younger brother.

"You need to fight, Edward. We are all here pulling for you. I know you are tired and probably still hurting, but you have to push through it. I need you around, little bro. Who else will bail me out when I get into trouble with Rosie?"

I kept my distance, wanting to give Emmett some time with him. When the night nurse, Lauren, arrived to relieve Angela, I stepped out to get some dinner. I knew that for the next thirty minutes there would be two nurses in the room with him. Surely, if anything happened, they could handle it.

I was just sitting down at a back table in the cafeteria when my pager vibrated. A quick glance told me that I was mistaken in my earlier assumption. Wrapping my sandwich in a napkin, I sprinted back up to Edward's room.

Angela met me in the hallway. She was just heading down to the cafeteria, hoping to intercept me on the way.

"Sorry, I know this is the first break you have had all day. You know how you were worried that we were all missing something?"

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I was grateful, now, that I hadn't yet eaten. I hated when my recent meal reversed its path and made a re-appearance.

We entered the room together, finding not only Emmett at the bedside but also Carlisle and Esme. The tension in the room was palpable. Tears were cascading down his mother's face.

"Carlisle?"

As soon as my voice echoed throughout the room, an opening parted alongside the bed. I moved up quickly and scanned the monitors. Edward's blood pressure had risen, his heart rate was at an increased rate, and the oxygen saturation alarm was blinking. Someone must have silenced the incessant alarms of all the monitors.

Carlisle had a stethoscope pressed against his son's chest. I reached out, gently touching the back of his hand. His gaze met mine and he hesitantly pulled back.

"He's struggling, Bella."

I nodded. That much was obvious, just from the indicators on the machines. The question was…why? I took a moment to listen for myself. The shallow breath sounds filled my soul with dread. Placing my fingers gently on the exterior of Edward's chest wall, I pressed inward.

The monitors registered his body's panicked response. Truth be told, my own thoughts were not far behind. Somehow, in the past thirty minutes, Edward's chest wall had become unstable. I was grateful that the medicine in his system was still heavy enough that he seemed relatively calm.

I would have to be very cautious in my actions, however, if I wished to keep him in this semi-unconscious state. His body's ability to fight against sedation still confounded me. I motioned to Angela and Lauren to remove the family from his room.

Emmett and Esme complied, but Carlisle was not budging. I didn't blame him. The situation had just jumped to a whole different level of serious. Hoping to calm those remaining in the room, I spoke with a soothing voice.

"It's okay, Edward. Your dad and I are here. We're going to help you. Just try to relax. I need to touch your chest again, to get an idea of what exactly is happening. Hang in there...I know it's tender."

I allowed only my fingertips to graze along his skin, as I searched for the trouble spots. First, I felt the in-drawing of his sternum. Then, sliding both of my hands from the center of his chest outward, I felt the anterior ends of his ribs on both sides also pulling inward.

I could feel his body trembling from the painful probing. I tried to offer reassurance by squeezing his upper arm briefly with one hand as the other reached over to the mechanical ventilator machine.

I was hoping that the right side of his chest wall would be a little more resilient, but that was not the case. His entire thoracic cage was caving in on him. I increased the ventilator respiratory frequency to 40 cycles per minute and the volume to 10.5 liters.

Carlisle watched as I adjusted the pressure so drastically. I could tell he was anxious. Unfortunately, I didn't have the time to discuss his son's treatment right this minute. Edward's respiratory function was my top priority.

Placing my stethoscope in position for a third time since I had come back from dinner, I finally heard the hollow sound I had been hoping for. Unfortunately, it wouldn't last. We needed a more permanent solution for the next few weeks while Edward's body recovered.

My face grimaced, as I knew that the rare treatment plan I was about to recommend would be a hard sell. I motioned to Carlisle, to join me in the hallway. Both Angela and Lauren stepped up to take our places next to Edward's bedside.

Once we were in the hallway, I asked Carlisle if he had ever heard of skeletal traction. The confused expression on his face slowly morphed into concern as he came to understand what I meant to do.

"Bella, his heart needs the pressure of his chest wall. We don't know what damage might have happened when his heart was vulnerable because of the open break. If you remove that pressure, his heart may not continue to fill with blood."

I acknowledged his fears and tried to reassure him of the monitors that were already in place.

"We've been monitoring his heart rate since he's arrived. There hasn't been any indication of damage to his heart muscle thus far. The monitors are in place. We will know the instant his heart rate elevates or becomes sluggish."

I also reminded him of the east coast medical staff's conservative approach, and of our attempt at removing the fluid with the chest tube. While both treatments were successful for a short period of time it was necessary, now, to get more aggressive.

"Carlisle, I wouldn't recommend such a rare treatment if it wasn't our last resort. You called in our team because we are the best. Let us help your son."

I waited, watching for his response. I could see his hesitance. Reaching out, I placed my hand on his lower arm.

"We need to proceed with this, Carlisle. The extensive bilateral rib fractures near his sternum are causing a cave in of his chest wall. If we don't act, soon his lungs won't be able to fill with air even with the mechanical ventilation."

Torment filled Carlisle's eyes. He was scared for his son. I observed his face, as the expression changed.

"Please…Bella…save him."

The weight of his statement rested heavily on my shoulders. It was times such as this, when being the expert felt more like a curse than a blessing.

Angela finally went home around two o'clock in the morning, only after I promised to crash in the doctor's lounge for a few hours. She insisted on returning the next day by eleven, knowing that Edward should be out of surgery around noon. I left instructions with Lauren to page me if anything changed.

Four hours later, the alarm on my cell phone woke me up. I hoped Edward was also able to rest. Today was going to be a long day.

After a quick stop to the ladies room, I was greeted with coffee and a bagel outside Edward's door. His entire family was there. They all looked freshly showered, except for Carlisle. I guessed he had remained by Edward's side all night.

"Thanks. They will be coming to take him to surgery in a few minutes, but I think it would it be alright for you to step in and let him know you're here."

The entire group walked through the doorway. I could hear Lauren begin to object, until she saw me trailing along behind them. I smiled, letting her know I would take the blame if her supervisor said anything.

One by one, they approached Edward's bedside. I could hear their well wishes and encouragement to keep fighting. Tears threatened to spill over my bottom lids, when I heard them promise that they would be right here when he woke up. I silently prayed that our team wouldn't let them down.

Within the hour, the surgical team arrived to make sure everything was prepped and ready. I stayed with Edward, as he was moved out of the ICU and over to the operating wing. I had spoken to Frank when he had first arrived this morning, concerning the skeletal traction procedure. He insisted that I accompany the team and patient during the surgery.

As the convoy arrived at the operating room, I left Edward's side to go change and scrub in. When I was sliding into sterile scrubs, it occurred to me that today was the sixth day since Edward's horrible accident. I knew that he would remain in traction for at least a week, possibly two. Then, the process would begin of weaning him off the ventilator.

I shook my head, slightly overwhelmed by the long-term recovery Edward was facing. It would be difficult for him and his family. I would be highly surprised if he was out of the hospital within a month's time.

A small part of me was happy about the prospect of spending a month with him. I just wish it could have happened under better circumstances. I finished scrubbing and entered the room where the nurses and anesthesiologist were preparing the patient.

I froze the second I passed through the doorway. The sight in front of me was unbelievable. Edward was awake and in full resistance. Shaking my head to break the spell of disbelief, I hurried over to his side. Pushing past the nurses trying to hold on to his flailing right arm, I placed both of my hands against the sides of his face.

"Edward…calm down. It's okay…look at me…it's Bella. I need you to lie still. It's okay. I'm here, Edward. No one is going to hurt you…"

It took quite awhile for me to get him to relax. I continued my mantra, stroking the sides of his face with my fingertips. His body was filled with adrenalin and began to tremble. I motioned for the nurses to release his arm and step back, knowing he wouldn't relax while he felt threatened. I pushed downward slightly, until the back of his head was resting on the hard table beneath him. I was concerned about the strain he was placing on his shoulder and chest.

Briefly, I glanced at the tube in his chest to ensure it hadn't been pulled out of position. I also took a few moments to glance at the monitors recording his vitals. Luckily, it appeared the nurses had reached him in time before he could cause too much damage.

His body continued to tremble underneath my hands. The pads of my thumbs softly caressed the sides of his face offering my reassurance. He needed time to come back from the fight or flight mode his mind was in.

I spoke to the others quietly, asking for details as to what had set him off. They stated that the movement of his body onto the surgical table was apparently enough painful stimuli to rouse him from the sedative. Not expecting his reaction, they were not prepared.

They observed his eyes widen with fear as he scanned the room and realized where he was. It was obvious what was about to happen, but the team had no recourse to prevent it.

Edward immediately panicked. He started fighting against the tube in his throat, reaching out with his right hand. The nurses were afraid he was going to extubate, so they attempted to restrain his arm. Of course, this frightened him even more, and it was only a matter of seconds before he was completely out of control.

That was the point when I had entered the room.

I glanced down at the man below me. While the majority of tremors had stilled, I knew it was only the false calm before the storm. One glance into his eyes revealed the truth. He was terrified. Nothing was going to convince him to go under the knife, in his current state.

I continued to speak softly, while reaching for the oxygen mask that was above his head. I knew he would fight against any medication given right now. I hoped I could get him to take the mask.

"Everything is going to be okay. Try to relax, Edward. I'm here…"

He had allowed me to push his body back down onto the table, but continued to keep a careful watch on the other medical personnel in the room. Every once in awhile, I would see a grimace spread across his face. He was in pain, but he wasn't ready to give up.

I knew he could tell I was preparing something just out of his field of vision. His right arm reached up enough so that his fingers could wrap around my arm. I expected his grip to try and pull my arm away from him, but it didn't.

Instead, his fingers began to squeeze. It was almost as if he was hanging on to me for security. My heart tried to register his need, but my mind recognized it for what it was. His biggest nightmare was coming true and he was petrified. He needed someone he trusted to reassure him. He needed a friend.

I took a deep breath. I had meant every word I had told him earlier. I wasn't ready to lose one of my best friends. It was up to me to get him through the next few hours.

Because of the ventilator tube already in his throat, it was necessary to use the small nasal mask. It would be a miracle if he accepted it without a fight. I silently prayed for the grace of such a miracle, as I didn't want to restrain his head and make him feel forced.

Due to the amount of high air pressure already pushing into his chest cavity, I knew that the small amount he would inhale through his nose would only be enough for conscious sedation. He would still be awake, but his body would be completely relaxed. I was hoping that would be enough for him to concede and allow us to proceed as necessary.

"Edward, do you remember all of those annual check-ups your father insisted on? We held hands and we made it through them together."

I looked down into his eyes, making sure he was with me. His brow was furrowed, as he tried to understand why I was speaking about our childhood. The distraction, however, was working. His blood pressure was slowly returning to normal.

"We took care of each other then, just like I am going to help you now. You can feel the damage to your body. We can fix it…if you'll let us."

Releasing his grip from my arm, I took his hand into mine and slowly stretched his arm out to the side until it was resting on the table's cross bar. Beginning at his shoulder, I massaged his arm as I slid my hands downward. Cautiously, I stretched the restraints across his upper and lower arm along the way. His hand clenched into a fist, but he didn't pull against the straps. I praised him for trying to cooperate.

"Thank you, sweetheart, for trusting me."

The term of endearment that I had always used when we were romantically involved, simply slipped out. I was about to apologize, when I saw the emotion fill his eyes. I hadn't planned to manipulate him in such a way, but I recognized the necessary opportunity when it presented itself.

Bringing the small nasal oxygen mask into his field of vision, I kept my hand against the side of his face. The pad of my thumb was caressing his cheek, as I tried to keep him calm.

"Shh…I'm right here, Edward. I promise; I won't leave you. Everything is okay. I need you to relax, now."

Slowly, I lowered the mask towards his face. He tried to pull away at first, but then allowed me to press it against his skin. I was awed by his trust in me. My gaze softened.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Let us take care of you."

Tears were flowing from the corners of both of his eyes, as he tried to swallow his fear.

I watched as the anesthesiologist turned the dial, allowing the mixture of gas to flow into the oxygen mask. Edward's breathing stuttered at first, then leveled out. I observed his nasal passages as they inflated with the pressure from the air inside the mask. The fingers of his right hand curled up within minutes, indicating that he was getting enough of the gas into his system to cause the basic side effects. He was experiencing some tingling in the tips of his fingers, and possibly a cold sensation.

Slowly, his eyes lost their sharpness and the anxiety in his face disappeared. His head lolled to the side as he tried to monitor the actions of the nurses around him. They were positioning his left arm and shoulder for the surgery. I was concerned that he would try to resist once he realized what their actions meant. Instead, his clouded gaze returned to me.

I nodded to the anesthesiologist that he was ready, and observed as he injected the sedative medication into Edward's IV. My eyes fell on the man lying on the cold table in front of me. Dark green orbs pierced right through me, as the patient's gaze locked onto mine. He didn't need to speak; in that moment, everything he wanted me to know was there in front of me: love, trust, sorrow, regret, and determination.

I bent forward, and whispered only loud enough for him to hear my words.

"I will watch over you while your body sleeps, and I'll be right here when you wake up. Let your body heal, then we'll talk. I want you in my life, Edward. I've missed my childhood friend."

I watched as more tears filled his eyes and then ran down his cheeks. I placed my palm against the side of his face. His cheek nuzzled my hand briefly before his eyes closed. I watched cautiously as his body succumbed to the effects of the sedative.

The surgical team had been waiting patiently, watching as I calmed the patient enough for sedation. We had discussed the benefits of the skeletal traction procedure earlier, and decided that the surgery would begin with that.

Once his chest wall was stabilized, then they would begin repairing his injured shoulder. We were hoping the entire procedure would not last more than five hours, however, we were already starting behind schedule.

I carefully observed not only the surgical procedure in front of me, but also the many monitors that the patient was hooked up to.

I marveled at how precise the surgical team was. They made an incision about three inches long over the left third rib where the paradoxical movement was the most violent. I watched in amazement as they inserted a steel pin under Edward's pectoral muscle, and then grasped it with a large clamp. Strong traction was then exerted on the instrument, resulting in a fifty percent reduction of the paradoxical movement.

Frank's voice filled the sterile room, as he proposed making another incision on the left side. I was confused at first, believing that we needed to stabilize both sides of the chest wall. Frank pointed to the lower level of Edward's left side. It only took one glance and I agreed. Edward's chest wall in that area was suddenly showing severe signs of trouble.

The team made a second incision over the left fifth rib, and inserted a second steel pin. Using a second large clamp they grasped it medial to the fracture site. Once again, strong traction was placed on the instrument. The result was a reduction of seventy-five percent and it appeared that the fragments of the fractured ribs on the right side of his chest wall were now locked into place.

The traction was by means of a rainbow frame suspended above the patient with suspended weights maintaining the pressure. Careful observation showed reduced resistance to the patient's airflow in and out of his lungs, making the mechanical ventilation more efficient. All paradoxical movement of his chest wall had been diminished.

A collective sigh of relief spread throughout the room. Now, the remainder of the repairs to Edward's upper body should be relatively easy. The team inspected the pleural cavity next. Even with the chest tube I had placed earlier, Edward's body was still collecting fluid in that area. Using suction, the current fluid and blood was removed. A small laceration of the middle lobe of his lung was observed. I watched silently, as Frank repaired it quickly with a fine suture.

Next, the team made a small incision through Edward's diaphragm to collect and move the fractured ribs and cartilages into their proper positions. All of the fractured ends were secured by wiring.

The next step was to remove any fragments that were not salvageable. The x-rays had shown that three inches of the sixth rib were completely shattered on Edward's left side. Cautiously, the team removed the pieces and then fastened the posterior part of what remained with a wire tie.

The team proceeded to insert additional wire ties where needed to further support Edward's thoracic cage. I was mesmerized with the procedure. I watched as they drilled holes into the ribs that were adjacent to the fractured ends. The pieces of wire were then tied in a knot with the ends turned downward so spikes would not form beneath the skin. No one wanted Edward to suffer from the ties in the future. The whole procedure was amazing.

The team then moved on to repair Edward's shoulder. All in all, the entire surgery lasted a little over six hours. I was grateful it was over, and that the patient's breathing was less labored. Everyone was feeling reassured that Edward would, in time, make a full recovery.

**A/N: Happy Thanksgiving! An extra long chapter to celebrate!**


	14. Chapter 13

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Taking a deep breath, I pushed on the door and quietly entered the room. A small overhead light above the sink cast a soft yellow glow, illuminating the small area surrounding the patient. The rest of the room was as dark as night, allowing Edward's guest to sleep.

I stepped lightly over to the foot of the bed, reaching for the medical chart on the nearby counter. The night nurse acknowledged my presence with a slight nod. I scanned through the latest data, knowing that I had only missed the past four hours.

There were some definite fluctuations in his heart rate and blood pressure during that time. Setting the chart down, I moved closer to check the positions of the various tubes and wires.

"He gets restless when you aren't nearby."

The voice startled me at first. I had thought Edward's mother was sleeping. I turned around, trying to distinguish her face in the dark corner of the room. I whispered.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to disturb you."

I could hear her body moving across the small cot. Within minutes, she was sitting in the chair on the opposite side of Edward. I watched, as her hand stroked his brow with a mother's touch. She continued to speak as if there hadn't been any delay in our conversation.

"They keep telling me that he is heavily sedated and isn't aware of what is happening around him. But, I know my son. His mind and heart can sense your presence, Bella. He relaxes when you are in the room."

My gaze glanced back in the direction of his chart. It was true; the rise in his vitals did coincide with my absence. I hadn't wanted to leave his side, but Lauren had threatened to slip a sedative into my drink if I didn't agree to go get some much needed rest.

"I think love still exists between the two of you."

My face turned in her direction, my eyes meeting hers.

"Love was never the problem, Esme. At least, not for me."

She had concluded that Edward's physical reactions were testament to his long-standing devotion towards me. I wasn't sure if I agreed with her rash conclusion, however. He could just be more comfortable when someone he trusts is beside him. His irrational fears of all things related to the medical field were not a secret, after all.

She smiled and shook her head slightly, when I continued to examine him.

"I just need to be sure the readings aren't due to a dislodged monitor."

After I checked every tube and wire, I reset the machines and waited for a fresh set of vitals. A sigh of relief escaped my lips when I noted that his heart rate and blood pressure had returned to normal.

"His color is better this morning. Did you notice?"

A smile spread across my face. I had noticed. The surgery had been a complete success. His body was already responding favorably.

"He will need to remain immobilized while his ribs are in traction, but I don't want to keep him in a prolonged coma state. If he can remain calm, I would like to take him off the paralytic and sedative during the day."

I watched as Esme's gaze took in all of the restraints preventing any movement of her son's body. He was lying on the bed, flat on his back with two clamps buried into his chest. His left shoulder and arm were propped up in a concave padded foam shape.

The team was not able to cast it like they wanted to, due to the skeletal traction set up. There was a slight concern that his injury might not heal properly if he moved too much, which was another reason for the tight straps that were stretched across the patient's body.

Not only was his arm and head securely restrained as before, but additional straps were now binding his legs, hips and ankles to the bed as well.

"He won't be happy about this. He has never responded well when he felt forced to do something." A soft chuckle escaped her lips. "No one could tell my sister what to do, either. They are alike in so many ways."

My eyes met hers. My head cocked slightly to the side, expressing my confusion at her words. She smiled, but it didn't match her eyes. She motioned for me to sit down. I had a feeling this was a story that would take more than a few minutes to tell.

"Bella, did you know that Edward is not my biological son?"

She observed my face closely, and took a deep breath when she saw what she expected. I couldn't stop the expression of shock as it spread across my face.

"I…I knew that Alice and Edward had birthdays eleven months apart…but physically it is possible…so I…"

Her smile stalled the apprehension trying to smother me. Why didn't Edward tell me?

She seemed to understand the emotions that were running through me. Her soothing voice filled the air and began to calm my troubled mind.

"He is the greatest gift that Carlisle and I ever received from my sister and brother-in-law. It happened a long time ago. None of us, including Edward, think of him as an outsider. He has always been and will always be a part of our family."

I was nodding silently, understanding her words as memories of how tight-knit they all are flashed across my thoughts. Maybe Edward never told me because he really doesn't think of himself as adopted.

"My sister, Elizabeth, and her husband, Ed, were so excited when they found out they were going to be blessed with a child. They had become very successful in their careers and desperately wanted to share their lives and fortune with a child."

She stood and gracefully moved over to the counter. Pulling two tissues from the box, she returned to Edward's side. Her voice had a reverent tone to it when she continued to share his story.

"Lizzie was in the middle of her second trimester when the mass was discovered. Apparently, it had always been there. It was composed of deadly bone-eating cancerous cells. They were dormant… just lying there…in her spinal column."

The monitor beeped, registering a rise in Edward's heart rate. Instinctively, both Esme and I reached out and placed our hands on him. My fingers caressed his right arm, while hers stroked the left side of his face.

Our combined touch seemed to soothe him. I assumed she wouldn't speak about it further, but as soon as Edward's heart rate returned to normal, she continued.

"She was carrying Edward almost completely in her back. You couldn't even tell she was pregnant unless you saw her from the side. One day his little body stretched, and the added pressure against the mass was too much. Those dormant cells woke with a vengeance. The doctors tried to convince her to let them take the baby early so they could treat her, but she refused. She carried him for three more months, ensuring his body had the proper time to develop."

Her hand dabbed her face with one of the tissues, trying to catch the tears as they fell from her eyes. I didn't know what to say. All of it was such a shock. I just sat there, caressing Edward's arm.

"Immediately after delivering little Edward, she was rushed into surgery herself. Unfortunately, they couldn't remove the entire mass. She suffered through various treatments over the next three years. We all could see that the cancer was winning the battle, but my sister never gave up. She made sure that her limited years with her small family were filled with memorable experiences. Ed and Lizzie did more things with their son than most parents do with their children during their entire childhood."

My gaze lifted to meet hers. The sadness and tears were replaced with a genuine love and devotion. A warmth blanketed my entirety. My fingers squeezed Edward's arm, confirming how loved he was and is.

"When Edward was three years old, my sister's body decided to finally give up the fight. They had put Edward to bed early that night, and were snuggling together on the couch. Suddenly, Lizzie's body became rigid and she desperately called out for her son. She must have known…felt something.

His little body walked around the corner just in time to see his father kiss the top of his mother's head. Tears were streaming down Ed's face as he whispered 'goodbye' to the love of his life.

Little Edward ran to his mother's side. He snuggled against her body, refusing to let her go. We received the call a few hours later. My sister's husband was distraught, and begging us to come over and help him take care of things."

Wet tears dropped from my face onto the edge of Edward's bed. Without speaking, Esme reached across her son's body and held out the fresh tissue to me. I took it without hesitation.

"Edward stayed with us for the next few days, while preparations were made. He would play with Alice and Emmett some, but we would also find him sitting alone and just staring into space. His little heart was broken.

After the funeral, Ed took his son home and tried to make it work. At first, they spent every moment together. However, it soon became too hard for Ed, and he found his solace in his work. Little Edward began to stay with us more and more, his father's presence slowly disappearing from his life."

Her hand moved to the top of his brow. Her fingertips gently massaged his scalp as her fingers ran through his bronze colored locks.

"We thought Edward was working through his grief. He had stopped waking up in the middle of the night screaming for her, and he was playing more. Of course, he was still quiet and would often be in deep thought, but it seemed to be just a part of his personality. Since he was still so young, we didn't know how deeply he was affected by the loss."

Her words paused, while she took some deep breaths. She stood and moved to the window, looking out at the sunrise. I didn't understand at first, but soon realized she was trying to control her strong emotions. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what was next. I observed her demeanor change right before my eyes. As she turned around, an expression of protectiveness spread across her face. It reminded me of a mother bear defending her cubs.

"Edward was four when he came to live with us permanently. Ed stopped by our house late in the evening with the papers already drawn up. He asked Carlisle and I to raise his son. We tried to get him to understand that Edward needed his father. He wouldn't listen to us, though. He had his mind made up. He was relinquishing his parental rights one way or another. If we didn't want Edward, he was going to be made a ward of the state."

My eyes glanced back at Edward's face. Even though he was still under the sedative medication, his body was tense and his brow was furrowed. I could hear evidence of spontaneous respirations, as his body fought against the ventilator. He was obviously getting upset.

I slipped my hand into his. Wrapping my fingers around his palm, I squeezed gently. The familiar electric surge was ever present. Instead of eliciting excitement, however, this time it left in its wake a feeling of warmth and a sense of belonging.

Edward's body slowly began to relax.

"As soon as we signed the papers, Ed picked up his son and sat him down next to him on the couch. Edward snuggled into his father's side, begging for love. The sight nearly broke my heart.

Ed's hard outer shell crumbled momentarily as he returned the embrace. His lips grazed the top of Edward's head as he softly whispered 'Your mother and I will always love you. Be good for Carlisle and Esme. They are your parents now. Good-bye my son'."

Her voice had softened when she spoke the last words Edward heard from his biological father. I was tempted to go to her, unsure if she needed my comfort. Before I could move my feet underneath me to stand, however, her voice echoed off the walls of the room. The harshness of her tone let me know that I had made the right choice in remaining where I was.

"That man gave us the greatest gift, but he was a coward. Instead of asking for help in dealing with his enormous grief and depression, he took the easy way out."

I gasped. My eyes shot to the inside of Edward's lower right arm. Tears began to flow, once again, as my eyes locked on the scar that was there. Rose had shared with me the events that had taken place after my departure. My medical training told me that suicidal tendencies were not an inherited trait. It was a behavior…a choice. Depression, however, was hereditary. Was Edward destined to follow in his father's footsteps?

The thick wall I had so carefully built up around my emotions started to reinforce itself. My own self-preservation yelled at me to back away. I had already been severely hurt by the man in front of me. I wasn't sure I had it in me to allow him to get close, only to lose him all over again.

My hand pulled back slowly from his. I closed my eyes, as I reminded myself that this could only be a professional relationship.

Esme's warm and gentle hands came to rest on my shoulders. It only took one squeeze to know she did not equate Edward's impulsive attempt to escape with that of his father's pre-meditated cowardly choice. She was there supporting her son and me in any way that we needed.

Her soft footsteps slowly made their way back to the other side of Edward's bed. I took a deep breath as she sat down in the chair opposite from me. Our eyes met, and she smiled.

"We knew that Edward had to be suffering greatly from the loss of, now, both of his parents, so we set up some regular meetings with a friend of Carlisle's. He was a child psychiatrist; one of the best. Edward seemed to be adjusting quickly, and we were all encouraged…until the day he had a complete meltdown."

She busied her hands with straightening the sheet that was draped across Edward's legs. I had the impression that she didn't particularly like remembering this part of the story.

"It was the first day of school, and Carlisle had come home early to spend time with me. He knew that I was feeling lonely now that they were all out of the house. We were snuggling with each other on the couch and we must have fallen asleep. We didn't even hear the kids walk through the door until Edward started screaming. We both jumped up and ran to him. Our arms embraced his little body. He was shaking uncontrollably. He just kept screaming 'No! No!'"

She leaned forward and placed a soft butterfly kiss on the top of his forehead.

"From that day on, he nearly had a panic attack each time any of the family sat down on that couch. It finally got to the point that no one made use of it, so I donated it to the local second-hand store."

My eyes must have glazed over at that point, as her story ended. My mind was slowly putting together all of the pieces she had just given me. Flickers of memories from our shared childhood and teen years began to flood my thoughts.

A small chuckle vibrated from my throat, as I recalled how often Edward had chosen to sit on the floor when all of the chairs had been taken rather than share a seat on an available couch. Then I started mentally counting how many times I had seen Emmett or Alice move away from a friend's couch whenever Edward and I entered the room.

I was lost in my own thoughts, until I heard Esme's soft voice fill the air around me.

"I think he is waking up."

I stood up, my eyes fixed on Edward's face. His eyelids were beginning to flutter.

"It's okay, son. You are going to be fine. Just lie still and let your body heal."

I could tell the moment his eyes opened, that he wasn't completely coherent. Hoping to keep him calm as he fully awakened, I slipped my hand back into his. His eyes moved in my direction, his brow furrowing as he felt the strap across his head restrict all movement.

I watched as the muscles in his right arm tightened. A fierce expression filled his eyes as the muscles in his lower body also tightened. His gaze shifted first to his mother, and then back to me. It didn't escape my attention, that his mother received a worried expression while I was the receiver of a glare.

"I know how much you hate being restrained, but we don't have a choice right now. Your body needs time to heal, Edward. Please, just try to relax."

The expression in his eyes left no doubt that it was going to take more than words for that to occur.


	15. Chapter 14

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Fourteen - EPOV**

Everything is black. So much pain…I can't take a deep breath. My body won't move. Where am I? I try to think back, but my mind won't focus. I feel lost and afraid.

I can hear things. There is an incessant beeping noise that almost drowns every other sound out. I ignore it and concentrate on the other sounds. Someone is walking around me. I can hear voices, but the words are garbled. Hushed sobs are nearby, someone is crying. I try to make a sound, but nothing comes out.

A sense of dread overcomes me as I realize that this might be it for me. I am hurting so badly that part of me wants to give up, but I know I can't. No matter how tired this body is, I have to keep fighting.

I feel a tear escape from the corner of my eye and run down the side of my face. My dreams and plans flash in front of my eyes.

I had finished! I had made it! Now was not the time to lose everything!

I began fighting against the darkness with more urgency than before. I had to let them know I wasn't ready to give up. I needed their help!

I could feel the darkness beginning to slip away. My body tensed as my consciousness began to surface. A sharp pain rips down my throat. I can't push any sound past what is stuck there. I start to panic!

Suddenly, a cool sensation travels up my arm. Everything it touches becomes frozen and still. My fear escalates as it draws nearer to my chest. The black nothingness drapes over me once again. It is pulling me back under. No matter how hard I try to fight it, I am just not strong enough.

The never-ending beeping is vibrating through the air around me. I am beginning to feel grateful for its monotonous existence. Twice, now, it is the first sound to lift the darkness. I focus on it first, then other sounds as my consciousness fights to surface.

After what seemed like hours, I began to feel my arms and legs again. I could feel the sheet pull slightly as my body twitched. My throat is raw and uncomfortable. Something is still lodged in it, and it hurts. I try to lift my arm to pull it out, but my muscles won't cooperate.

My arm begins to tremble from my efforts. A warm hand slides against my open palm. It is the first physical contact I can remember feeling since the darkness took over. Instinctively, my fingers close around the hand and squeeze gently. I didn't know who was beside me, but I was grateful someone was there.

The hand squeezed back. I focused all of my energy into my grip. It wasn't as strong as usual, but the intent was obvious. I needed whoever was there with me to keep holding on. I wasn't about to let go. I didn't want to be alone.

The blanket of darkness slowly began to disperse. I could feel myself float to the surface. As the garbled sounds around me started to make sense, my heart rate increased. I knew I was close to regaining control of my consciousness, and I was afraid. Each time I came this close, the cold sensation would flow through my body, freezing me again.

My eyelids began to flutter. A bright white light shone directly onto my eyelids. I tried to brace myself for what I might find when I opened my eyes. A feeling of dread overcame me.

Suddenly, the sounds around me became clearer. They were from machines. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. If I was where I thought, I had to get away! My breathing hitched, as panic flooded my entire being.

I tried to move. Pain exploded throughout my body. My eyes squeezed tight. That was when I felt it. Something was covering my nose and mouth. I could feel cool air as one of the machines next to my bedside whirred. Air was being pumped into my chest. It felt strange and uncomfortable to not breathe on my own.

Is that why I feel something in my throat? Why won't they let me breathe on my own? What happened to me? What's going to happen now?

I try to move my right arm, but something is restraining it in place. I pull harder, my fist clenching tightly. I hold my breath, exerting all of my energy on freeing my arm.

A sharp crushing pain attacks my chest. A loud alarm begins to sound. My heart races even faster, knowing that I am about out of time. I have to let them know I am awake before I am sucked back into the darkness. It gets harder each time to find my way back. If only I could tell them. I have to find a way to speak!

I fight against the hard object in my throat, trying to pull it out with my teeth. Surprisingly, the restraint around my right wrist sprung free. A large, warm hand engulfed mine. The touch was familiar and comforting. Then a voice I recognized from my early years, filled the air.

"Edward, son, calm down. You were in an accident. You need to lie still. They are keeping you immobilized to prevent further injuries until they can operate. Your chest took quite a beating. The tube in your throat is helping you breathe while your lungs heal."

The sound of my father's voice filled my soul with relief. The fight slowly left my body, as I realized that he was here with me. While I knew that his profession was the one that terrified me as a child, it would also be the one that helped me now. He would look out for me.

As my panic subsided, I was able to focus my strength elsewhere. Slowly, I was able to open my eyelids a slit. The brightness of the room was hard to take at first, but it was worth the discomfort. As my eyes began to focus, I saw the beautiful face of my mother. Tears streaked her cheeks. I could feel her gentle caresses on the side of my face. Her caring voice spoke softly, reassuring me.

"Edward, honey, just try to relax. You have to stay calm and still. The doctors will take the tube out as soon as they know you can breathe on your own. It's going to be okay. We're right here."

I was so relieved with their presence, I found it difficult to keep my eyes open. I decided not to fight it, but to instead put all of my strength into my grip. I hoped that by grasping my father's hand tighter, he would understand. I didn't want to be alone.

My face winced. I could feel fingertips pounding on my chest. The pain was fresh and added to the constant ache that was already present. I opened my eyes, once again, annoyed with the source. I tried to talk, but couldn't get any sound past the tube in my throat.

My father seemed to take notice of my efforts and tried to calm me down. His words were explaining what was happening, but it was his tone that concerned me.

"Son, the doctor is going to disconnect the machine that is helping you breathe. The tube is still going to be in your mouth in case she needs to reconnect you. We need you to try and breathe normally. It's going to hurt, but it's important that you try as hard as you can. We want to get you breathing on your own as soon as possible. If you find that you cannot take a breath, squeeze my hand to let me know, and the doctor will reconnect the machinery. Are you ready?"

I closed my eyes tight. Based on his tone, it was not going to be easy and I wasn't sure how much more pain I could endure at this point. I decided I had to do whatever it takes to get this tube out of my throat.

If I didn't have much time left, I certainly did not want to spend it mute. Nervously, I opened my eyes and locked onto the gaze of my father. It didn't take long for the machine to stop. I concentrated on filling my lungs. I had been breathing all my life, but it was as if my body didn't remember how.

A burning sensation spread across my chest. At first it felt like a small ember, but it didn't take long for it to grow into a raging inferno. I was terrified I was going to suffocate right there, in front of my father and mother.

A firm but reassuring touch encased the top portion of my leg. My body began to tremble everywhere. I thought my time was up, when I heard a strange gurgling sound escape from my throat. My gaze searched for the eyes of my mother's. I prayed they would give me the courage to face my end with dignity.

A gush of air filled my lungs. Instantly the fire was extinguished. Relief and gratitude filled my entirety. My eyes closed reflexively, as tears cascaded down my cheeks. My mother's voice comforted me from above.

"It's okay, sweetie. It was a good try. Just relax, now."

I lay still, allowing the machine to do all the work of filling my lungs with the oxygen needed to sustain my life. The small adventure had completely exhausted my resources. I began to drift off lightly, when I felt the butterfly kiss of my mother's lips against my forehead.

"I love you, son. Listen to your father. I will be back soon."

Concern immediately flooded throughout me. I knew if my mother was being asked to leave my bedside, something bad was about to happen. My eyes opened wide as I tried to scan my limited viewing area. My head began to pull against the strap holding it in place, but it wasn't necessary as two medical personnel dressed in full attire approached. One was carrying a tray full of instruments, and they were both wearing masks. This was not going to be good.

I felt strong fingers wrap around my right wrist and begin to lift my arm above my head. I didn't understand the reason at first, then I saw it. The second one was preparing to stretch a thick strap across the bent portion of my arm.

I pulled against the grip, trying to free myself before the strap was in place. I could feel her grip slipping and reveled in the fact I was winning, until I heard the words of my father.

"Son, it's okay. Just look at me. You can do this."

He had explained briefly what they were about to do before the masked ones approached. They were planning to shove yet another tube into me. I was trying to get the one out as it was. Why would I sit still and let them insert another one?

The alarm started beeping, as I fought. I had to get this tube out so I could refuse. Clenching my jaw tightly, I tried to remove the tube with my teeth.

"Sir, you need to calm down or we will have to sedate you."

Her words instantaneously halted all of my resistance efforts. As much as I hated the thought of another tube, I couldn't let her send me back into the darkness. I hated that I had no choice in what was happening to me. My eyes shot daggers of anger and frustration towards the one tightening the strap, forcing my compliance.

I kept my eyes locked on the narrow viewing area provided by the head restraint. I felt the right side of my chest being wiped down by something wet and cold. Anxiety chilled me through and through. Then I saw it.

The small flash of silver breached my gaze. I couldn't help the cry for help that exploded from my throat.

"Just try to relax, son. The lidocaine will sting a little when it first goes in, but it will numb the area quickly."

I felt my father's strong hand engulf mine. The physical contact helped to calm some of the anxiety, though I still flinched when the sharp tip pierced my skin. I could feel the intrusion of foreign liquid just under my armpit. Immediately, the area started to prickle. I was so distracted by the stinging sensation, that I didn't realize she had pulled the needle out and was preparing to re-insert it. The second injection quickly spread the inflicted area. My arm began to tremble. I tried to move my body away from the painful injections.

A very different sensation began to overshadow the sting of the medication. It was familiar and yet impossible. I froze. My mind couldn't make sense of it. I shifted my gaze to focus on the face of the one inflicting the pain. The mask was blocking all but her eyes. I knew it was simply my mind playing tricks on me, but at this point I didn't care. Believing it was her touching me, would probably be the only thing to get me through this.

Knowing I would pay for the illusion later, I allowed it to overcome my mind. Even though I could feel the pressure as she worked on my body, I refused to look away from her face. The sight of the instruments would shatter my illusion and bring me back to reality. I couldn't let that happen. I needed her with me for as long as possible.

I was doing well with staying focused until a sudden surge of wetness leaked down my side. The surprise shook my mind free of the illusion I had created. I could feel the panic taking over. Frantically, I searched for my father's reassurance.

"It's okay, son. That's what we want. We need to drain that fluid away from your lungs so you have a chance to inflate them on your own. Now, you are going to feel some pressure when she inserts the tube. Just hold on to me."

Knowing there was no chance of re-creating the illusion in time, I closed my eyes and tightened my grip on my father's arm. As the pressure increased in my side, so did the tightness of my grip.

"It's over, Edward. The doctor will just secure it in place now. You did great, son. The tube will be left in place until there isn't any more fluid seen escaping through it. Two to four days is the usual time frame."

I felt my arm being moved back into place at the side of the bed. I knew they would replace the wrist restraint. I didn't have any resistance left in me, however, so I gave in. I was hoping that they would leave me alone now. My father's voice was surrounding me with words of praise and encouragement. He knew how hard it was for me to submit to medical procedures such as that.

"I'm sorry, but it's time to put him back under."

What? NO! My eyes tried to convey to my father my pleas for help. I tried to force a scream past the tube in my throat, but all that came out was a whimper. I knew I had to do more.

I started to pull my legs upward, trying to gain more of an advantage against the upper restraints. Multiple hands were suddenly on me everywhere. Voices ordering me to calm down were bouncing off the walls.

Despite my efforts, the cold sensation was soon traveling up my arm. A few minutes later, almost all of my resistance was subdued. I tried to force my eyes to remain open, terrified of what would happen if I let them close.

That familiar tingle of electricity encased my fist. I hadn't realized I was pumping it. The minute I stopped the action, my entire arm relaxed. It scared me!

I began to feel lightheaded and my eyelids started to droop. I could feel sleep tugging at me. It didn't matter what I wanted. It didn't matter how hard I fought. In the end, I would lose.

Tears filled my eyes and then overflowed, running down the sides of my face. Was that why my mind had conjured up her memory…to try and make this easier for me to accept? I wasn't ready.

"It's okay, son. We're all here. We will take turns watching over you. Just rest, now. Let your body heal."

My tormented gaze found the gentle eyes of my father, just as my heavy eyelids closed. I tried to fight awhile longer, but I could feel the darkness creeping up from the bottom of my bed. The monitor registered my panic, as the blackness pulled me under.


	16. Chapter 15

**If You See Her**

**Chapter Fifteen - EPOV**

"It's okay, Edward. Just relax." A low chuckle vibrated from Rose's throat. "I know that look. You are sick of hearing it. But, Edward, it's important that you listen. You have some pretty serious injuries, some that can be dangerous and cause further problems. So, just behave and do what the doctor says. Okay?"

My mind was still trying to make sense of the fact that I was still here. The pain in my chest confirmed it. I was given at least one more moment. Grateful, I squeezed her hand in response.

"Edward, my name is Angela. I am one of the nurses taking care of you. I need to ask you some questions. If the answer is yes, I want you to make a fist with your right hand. If the answer is no, keep your hand open. Do you understand the instructions I just gave you?"

I recognized that voice. It was the one from earlier…the one that put me back into the darkness. I closed my eyes, trying to refrain from panicking. Maybe if I did as she asked, she wouldn't send me back. I reopened my eyes, and clenched my right hand into a fist indicating my cooperation.

She asked me a number of questions regarding my pain. I was afraid to answer at first, not wanting to encourage her to increase the medications. Whatever they were already giving me was enough to make me drowsy. It was all I could do to fight it off. I didn't want anything more.

A few times I thought I felt the presence of someone else in the room, but with my limited vision I couldn't be sure. Maybe it was a trainee. I returned my focus to the questions the nurse was asking me. I did my best to concentrate, and answer truthfully.

"Okay, Edward, the doctor needs to assess your sense of touch."

Anxiety spread through my system. So, it wasn't a trainee. The doctor was there monitoring my responses. My mind quickly replayed the questions and the answers I gave. Did I answer wrong? What would they do to me now?

The heart monitor began to beep, registering my anxiety. Rose started moving away. My eyes widened, as a small whimper escaped past the large tube in my throat. I felt her hand on my right shoulder almost immediately.

"It's okay, Edward. I'm right here. You are going to be fine."

My eyes caught Rose as she moved to the top of my bed. She had always been there for me, especially these past few years. She helped me through some really tough times and I knew that I could rely on her strength to get me through this. I fixed my gaze on hers and tried to ignore what else was happening around me.

All too soon, the voice of the nurse filled the air around me.

"We will use the same response method as before. A tight fist means yes, and an open hand means no. Are you ready?"

My eyes closed tightly. Would it matter if I said "No"? I didn't want any of this. Rose's hand squeezed my shoulder gently. My eyes opened slowly, focusing on her face. A slight nod of encouragement from her, and my weak wall of resistance crumbled. I had to at least try to follow their instructions, for her.

My hand trembled a little, as I closed it into a fist. I could feel the sheet being pushed away from my lower right side. The heart rate monitor beeped, notifying everyone in the room of my increasing anxiety.

"You need to relax, Edward."

I forced my hand to open. As soon as it did, a sharp object pierced the skin just above my hip bone. I flinched and tried to pull away, but was quickly held in place. I hated this! I couldn't communicate with anyone and I was being forced to lay here and endure whatever tortures they dreamed up.

I tried to push away the hand forcing my compliance. The wrist cuff prevented my arm from moving. Frustration overcame me as my hand clenched into a tight fist. I could feel the person moving lower down my leg. I braced myself for the prick.

Instead, I felt a warm hand drape gently over my fist. I assumed Rose was trying to offer comfort. My fingers began to relax almost immediately. The warm hand slid around mine, in a reassuring manner. A spark made me jump slightly. Rose must have been brushing her hair earlier. She was always full of static electricity.

I was amused, until I felt a prick seconds later. My leg pulled away slightly. I curled my fingers around hers, squeezing briefly. I wanted her to know I was trying to cooperate with the doctor as she had asked.

The exam continued, until the doctor was satisfied that I had adequate sensation on my right side. I prepared myself for a similar exam on the left side, when another doctor entered the room.

"Good, he's awake. Miss, you will need to wait outside during the exam."

Someone shifted above me. Wait…I thought Rose had moved to my side. If she was still above my head… then who…

I felt deceived and angry. First, they trick me into compliance, and now they are ordering the one person in this room I do trust to leave my side?

The monitor began to fill the room with evidence of my displeasure. No! They were not going to win this one! My right arm began to tremble with my efforts to reach out and prevent Rose from leaving.

My eyes caught sight of her as she moved closer to my side. She bent down and spoke to me lovingly.

"It's okay, Edward. You're in good hands."

She bent down closer and spoke softly into my ear.

"Bella's here."

Two words were all it took for my entire world to stop. Everything around me froze in place for the millisecond it took for my mind to process what Rose was telling me.

My eyes widened. I tried to speak past the tube, begging for confirmation. She leaned down and kissed my forehead.

"Don't worry. She'll take care of you."

My eyes began searching the room. Did I hear her right? Was it even possible? Why would Bella be here?

The head restraint was limiting my field of vision. I strained against its tight hold, desperate for a glimpse.

The other doctor began to poke and prod at my sore and mangled body. Reflexively, my muscles would flinch each time. My heart rate was beginning to increase from the stress, when suddenly she came into view.

I questioned if my mind was, once again, conjuring up her presence to help me cope. Then I recalled Rose's words. She wouldn't say something like that, knowing how it would affect me, if it wasn't true.

As I was offering up a prayer that I wasn't seeing things, soft fingertips caressed the side of my face. The familiar tingle of her touch warmed my entirety. Tears began to well up in my eyes.

Something pressed hard onto one of my fingers. I pulled my hand into a fist, moving it away from the pain. The next thing I knew, a bright light was shining directly into my eyes. It forced me to close my eyes. The second my vision of Bella was interrupted, panic exploded inside of me. I couldn't lose her now! I needed her with me!

Gentle caresses through my hair were the only things that kept me from having a complete meltdown. It reminded me of days long ago, when she would help me to relax during a dry spell. She always encouraged my composing, insisting that I was the most amazing creator of music she had ever heard.

I could hear their voices as they discussed my vitals. I kept my eyes closed, wanting only to feel her touch.

Out of the blue, rough fingers gripped my right nipple, pulling and twisting. My legs pulled upward, as a grunt pushed past the tube in my throat. My eyes snapped open, filled with anger at the painful intrusion. My fist clenched, as my desire to return the action grew.

"I am not seeing any signs of spinal injury. We can safely remove this…Look straight ahead."

Not wishing to repeat the earlier experience, I chose to listen to his orders. He moved my head left to right, and then up and down. I could feel Bella's gaze on me.

"See how his eyes remained stationary and moved with his head? He's fine, Bella. I will order the change in medications and schedule the surgery for first thing in the morning."

The unwelcome white-coated professional released my head, and moved down to the end of the bed to note his findings on my chart. Grateful for his retreat, I turned my head slowly towards Bella.

"It's okay. Just rest now."

She reached up and pushed some stray locks of bronze away from my forehead. My eyes closed momentarily. I was exhausted by the whole ordeal. My hopes that it was over, however, were quickly dashed as I saw the other doctor approach the left side of my bed.

"I need to examine your shoulder injury. I apologize. This is going to hurt. Just hang in there…I will try to be quick."

My face grimaced, displaying my pain for all to see as he examined my shoulder. The pain increased steadily as the pressure increased. I tried pulling away from the source of my discomfort, but Bella's hand came to rest on my chest holding me in place.

Her other hand slid into mine. My fingers curled around hers tightly, drawing from her strength. My eyes clamped shut and my grip tightened on Bella's hand as I tried to endure the probing.

"We will get this taken care of first thing tomorrow."

I tried to understand the meaning of his words, as he left. Rose opened the door merely seconds after, however, and I quickly lost my train of thought.

"I saw the other doctor leave; may I come back in?"

A feeling of relief overcame me, knowing that Rose was back. She would help me convince Bella to pull this tube out of my throat. I had to speak to my lost friend, before she disappeared or I did. I owed her that much.

I was heading out to see both my parents and her, to give them both a long overdue explanation. I finally got my shit together and graduated. A record company was interested in my music compositions. Things were happening for me, and before all of this had happened, I had wanted nothing more than to share my excitement with them. Now, I just wanted to explain myself before it was too late.

I felt something clamp onto my middle finger. I turned my head slowly. Bella was reaching for the stethoscope that was draped across the back of her neck. My eyes narrowed automatically.

"Relax…I just want to listen for a minute."

I couldn't help the shudder that coursed through my body, when the cold circle made contact with my skin. Her movements were slow and deliberate. She paused briefly, allowing me to become accustomed. I knew she was trying her best not to startle me.

I forced myself to relax. I wanted to convey my appreciation. I tried to tell her, through my softened gaze and relaxed muscles. A small smile formed at the corners of her mouth as she reached above my head. She had understood.

I could feel a change almost immediately with the pressure in my chest. I had to admit, it felt better. I hadn't realized how heavy my chest had felt, until some of the weight was lifted. My entire body began to relax even more. I could feel the exhaustion pulling at me again. I tried to resist it, not wanting to lose this opportunity.

Bella reached out again, positioning her stethoscope on my chest again. Her fingertips gently grazed my chest. The slight moment of electricity, was exactly what I needed to fight off the darkness a moment longer.

"Better"

Replacing the tool around her neck, Bella began to move back towards the foot of my bed. I turned my head towards Rose, my eyes filled with the pleadings of my heart. Rose immediately caught on. She began to speak, quieter than usual, but still with a questioning tone.

"Bella, can't you take this tube out of his throat?"

I watched as Bella placed the chart down slowly, taking a deep breath. I could see the answer in her eyes before her lips parted. My eyes closed in defeat.

"His body is able to absorb oxygen much more easily during mechanical ventilation, Rose. After such a severe chest injury, it would be very difficult for him to maintain natural respiratory movements on his own. I know that you hate the tube, Edward. I need you to trust me. It is better, right now, that you don't overtire your lungs and exhaust yourself. You need all of your strength and energy to heal."

I knew it wouldn't do any good to try and argue. Even if I could express my refusal, she wouldn't have listened. I remembered that look and tone. She was in her element, and full of confidence. Nothing would change her mind.

"Rose?"

It was the voice of my baby sister. Rose turned around and nodded in her direction. She stood up and leaned down, kissing my forehead.

"We have all been taking turns sitting with you, but only a few of us have been lucky enough to catch you awake. The little pixie wants some time before… they sedate you again."

My heart tightened. I had caught Rose's hesitation with her words. I turned my head towards the doorway, catching my little sister's gaze. A choked sob burst forth from her lips. It melted my heart, to see the emotion in hers. I had to be strong for her. I was the big brother, after all.

She hurried over to my side, kissing my cheek. Her tiny hand slipped into mine. My fingers clutched tightly around hers, holding on as tightly as possible. I wished I could tell her how sorry I was. It was an accident. I didn't mean for this to happen. I would give anything to be given another chance to make things right. I wasn't ready for it to all be over.

I hoped that my touch would offer her some comfort. Tears were soon saturating both of our cheeks. Bella approached slowly, her hand coming to rest on my sister's back, rubbing up and down.

"He'll be okay, Alice. He is just going to need some time to heal."

My gaze lifted and met hers. I watched as determination filled her eyes.

"You are going to make it, Edward. Just listen to us and do what we tell you. I'm not ready to lose one of my best friends."

A flicker of hope sparked deep inside of me. I was all too familiar with the stubborn side of my best friend. Maybe I was going to get a second chance.

**A/N: Edward has been bugging me to tell his side, and I couldn't ignore him any longer. Now that he has had a chance to speak a little, the story is ready to continue. Next chapter will be back to Bella's POV and where we left off. Thanks for sticking with me!**


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